Putting on Heirs
by Damien
Summary: All things change and when Happosai decides to pass on the leadership of the Anything Goes School, he takes steps to insure its future. But some people have other ideas and long dead memories that may prove dire.
1. A Good Day

Putting On Heirs Part 1 Fix1 House Remix version 

Rumiko Takahashi created Ranma 1/2 and Urusei Yatsura characters. They are used without permission. 

A Good Day 

A chill fall evening found a diminutive old man walking through a quiet Nerima neighborhood. For once, his mind was so lost in thought that he only accosted every third girl he came across. 

"Sweeto!" 

*_SLAP_* 

'Hmm, the girls are quick around here. I hate to admit it, but maybe I'm getting old,' he thought plaintively as he rubbed his sore cheek. 

It hadn't been the slap just now that caused the tenderness to his face… that was a love tap. No, earlier in the evening, Ranma had been entirely _too_ successful in penetrating his defenses. The day was fast approaching when Ranma would unquestioningly beat him. 

'So? What was wrong with that? Was that not the cycle of things, the student surpassing the master.' He continued his slow pace down the street. 

"Hotcha! How 'bout a...." 

*_WHAM_* 

'The girls are incredibly quick around here. You'd think they were expecting to be atta... approached,' he mused to himself while extracting his body out of a wall. Returning to his previous thoughts he continued his walk. 

'Wasn't my original purpose in going to the dojo, the passing on of the Anything Goes School to either Soun or Genma? Well, that and tormenting them for leaving me in that damn cave… not to mention reacquainting myself with Soun's three daughters.' 

"Hey! Pretty ladies wanna...." 

*_Sssshhhhh_* 

Rubbing his eyes, he used his tongue to clean the spray from his face. 

'Mace? No… pepper spray. Boy! The girls around here are on their toes!' He smiled; he would have to remember this place for his next training trip. 

'So it's to be neither Genma nor Soun, but Genma's son. That's not a problem. Moreover, Ranma is the best martial artist I've ever seen. Not that he'll hear that from me. And he is still so young. There is so much more life out there for him to experience. He will only get better. Not that I'll tell him that either. The thought of Ranma being stuck in a dusty old dojo all day, teaching beginners how to do a "roundhouse" kick is ludicrous. I may have to do something about that....' 

Taking a look at his surroundings, he realized he was rather lost. He approached a young woman and tapped her on the thigh. 

"Excuse me, could you tell me where I...." 

"RAPE!" the woman screamed and ran off. 

'Where in Hell am I?" he wondered and continued down the now deserted street. Now that the time had come, was it fear that kept him from passing on the mantle? In the end, with everything said and done, was he a coward? No, he was a lot of things, but he was no coward, at least not really. No longer being the Master of the Anything Goes Schools was not what was bothering him. He had founded the school; he would always have a place in its history. 

He bounded up a telephone pole and perched himself on top. 

The sole problem with Ranma was... He didn't completely embody the Anything Goes Schools. There were some techniques Ranma would simply never use, the prude. 

'With me gone, the techniques would be lost forever,' he thought dejectedly. But what choice was there. Ranma would never use the "Silky Storm", the "Bean Jam Blowout" or countless others. 

"PRACTICALLY HALF THE SCHOOL WILL BE LOST TO HISTORY! " he shouted out to the night sky. It answered. 

There was a twinkling in the sky. It looked like a falling star, but he could tell by the whistling sound that was quickly becoming louder, what the object was. 

"INCOMING!" 

A charred, blackened body impacted hard against a wall opposite to where Happosai sat. It slowly slid down the wall and into a dumpster. Happosai hopped down to investigate. Inside the dumpster was a young man, looking to be in his late teens. He appeared as if he had been in a fire. Bruises, burns, and numerous contusions covered his body, but these were not what caught Happi's eye. The young man held in one of his hands, a scrap of dress. Slowly the body stirred and mumbled something incoherent; Happosai quickly tapped a point on the young man's neck. The body again slumped to the ground, asleep. 

Dragging the man out the trash, Happosai gave him the once over. Many of the bruises had begun to heal, and except for the burned clothing, you could no longer tell he had been in a fire. Looking a little closer, Happi saw that the man had a scrap of bra along with the piece of dress. It took a bit of effort, but finally, Happosai was able to relieve the unconscious boy of his prize. Examining the scraps, Happosai let out an appreciative whistle. The boy had a good eye. 

Patting him down, Happosai discovered four other items: a little black book (the condensed fourth edition with cross reference), a small doll with green hair and horns, a school id, and a jewelry box complete with ring. 

"People these days. How wasteful! Throwing away a perfectly good Japanese boy like this. Better than good actually, you, my boy, have potential. Yes, raw talent aplenty. All you need is a little spit and polish. How would you like to be one of the heirs to the exclusive Anything Goes School?" he asked the unconscious boy. Grabbing the young man's head, Happosai helped him nod "yes". 

"Excellent choice..." he looked at the school id in his hands, "...Ataru. There is just one thing about you that bothers me," Happosai said looking at the ring box. 

He would much rather prefer a student without any attachments, but the more he looked down at the young man, the more he saw himself in his youth lying prone on the ground. His resolve hardened. 

"Considering where it was I found you; this will be doing you a favor. Believe me, I've been where you are now," he finished somewhat regretfully. "Can't change the past... not that I want to." 

He let the thought pass. Placing the young man in a sack, he threw him over his shoulder and prepared to leap off. 

"Hey! Where are you going with that idiot?" 

Happosai deftly dodged the burst of flame, despite the large burden he carried. Again he perched himself on top of a telephone pole and looked down upon his attacker, a floating toddler in a tiger striped diaper. 

'Seen stranger things,' he mused to himself. He called down to the small oni, "Idiot? Well then, I guess I'm doing you a favor. Don't worry this idiot is no longer your concern. No need to thank me." He waved his hands dismissively. 

"Hold it!" 

Another burst of flame shot out at Happosai. 

"I guess I know part of what happened to you," Happy said to his sleeping charge. Jumping down from the pole before the flame could reach him, he closed the distance between himself and Jariten. 

Ten couldn't believe how fast the old man was. Again and again he tried to hit the old man, not once coming close. Out of breath, he fell to the ground. Happosai walked up to him and placed the ring box in Ten's hand. 

"Here, for your trouble. He's not going to need it. He'll be far too busy with the training," and with that said, Happosai seemed to vanish it to the night air. 

Ten looked all about for a sign that would tell him, which direction they went, but there was none. They had simply disappeared. He opened the small box and sighed. 

"What am I going to tell Lum-chan." 

It was a sad, sad night at the Tendo Dojo. 

"Don't go Master, don't go," Soun said through a river of tears as he quickly gathered Happosai's few belongings and threw them out the front door. 

Happosai ignored the affront. He had swiftly made his way back to the dojo, and announced to a stunned audience, his retirement. He also told them that he would be leaving for a time. 

'But... but Master, where will you go? I hear that Bosnia is nice. Why now?" Genma asked, kneeling beside his Master. He was doing his best to hide his glee. That was when he noticed a pale hand poking out of the large sack Happosai carried on his back. 

Happy noticed Genma staring. "Because the time has come for me to pass on the mantle of leadership to my Anything Goes School." Turning to Genma, he added, "and YOU didn't see nothin'." 

"Right! Right! I didn't see a thing. Genma said, rapidly nodding his head. On his hands and knees, he quickly backed away from his former Master. 

With his precious items of female undies packed and tossed in the sack, Happosai placed them outside the door and away from prying eyes. Purposefully, he walked towards Ranma, his hand extended to shake hands. 

"Ranma, train hard. When I return, I will name you, head of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts." 

Ranma cautiously put out his hand. "Yeah, right, whatever," he deadpanned, not letting his guard down. He was surprised when all Happosai did was shake his hand. 

Walking towards the door, Happosai said his final good-byes and was gone. 

"NO~O! MASTER! DON'T GO!" Soun yelled into the night, the tears sting his eyes as he fell to his knees in the doorway. Soon, Genma walked over and joined him in silent prayer. 

After a moment or two, once they were sure Happosai was truly gone, both men jumped to their feet and a joyous jig, hand in hand. 

"Tra la la la" 

With the excitement over, Kasumi returned to the kitchen and Nabiki to her room, leaving the two dancing fathers, Ranma and Akane. 

Akane approached Ranma as he stood on the veranda. 

"Do you really think he meant it? About retiring and leaving?' Akane asked, joining Ranma in his vigil. 

"Don't be stupid. He's out there somewhere, just waiting for us to drop our guard... so he can grope us." 

Akane glared at him for a second, but refused to let herself become angry. I don't know, Ranma. He seemed pretty sincere," Akane answered back and then yawned. "Anyway, I'm going to bed. You should too, we have school tomorrow." 

"I will in a sec, good night Akane." 

"Night, Ranma," Akane said and went upstairs to her room. 

Ranma continued to peer into the cold fall sky. The old lech did sound rather sincere Ranma had to admit. Plus, he rather liked the idea of being the new Master of the Anything Goes School. Not even his father could claim that feather. 

"Good riddance," he said, waving a hand dismissively and turning back into the house. 

He hadn't taken more than two steps before a splash of cold water triggered his curse. 

"One for the road, sweet cheeks," Happy replied from his strategic position between the fore mentioned cheeks. 

Ranma-chan screamed in frustration, spinning around in an attempt to dislodge the pervert. 

"I *KNEW* you were lying," she shouted, finally succeeding in freeing herself. She promptly punted him half way to China, which oddly enough was his destination. 

Six months later... 

Something was horribly wrong. He could sense it. There was a tangible feel to the air. It was a pleasantly warm April day. Birds were singing and the sky was painted a radiant blue, speckled just right with bright white clouds. You didn't have to be a world-class martial artist to sense the universal imbalance of it all, the evil in the air. 

A boy with a mane of brown hair and a girl with luminous green hair, both around five years old, one chasing the other, ran up to him. Giggling and laughing, they circled around his legs, once, twice and then thrice before continuing on with their game of tag. A smile crept to Ranma's face as he watched the two children run off. He was about to chalk up his earlier feelings of apprehension up to stress, when he heard a voice. 

"Ominous" 

Ranma was about to turn in the direction he heard the voice, but a sudden chill ran down his spine. His smile grew. A fight was just what he needed to shake off the strangeness in the air. He quickly scanned the area for the impending attack, but none came. Scratching his head in confusion, he quickened his pace home. Whoever had spoken was gone, but he still had let his guard down too soon. 

*RING* *RING* 

He immediately relaxed his body, looking to move with blow and lessen the chance for injury. When several seconds had passed with no blow, he straightened and looked around. 

"Nihao Ranma, beautiful day, yes?" Shampoo said riding past on her bicycle and blowing him a kiss. 

"Uh... yeah. I guess. You makin' a delivery?" 

"No, Shampoo just go for ride and enjoy beautiful day by self," she shouted back at him nearly out of sight. 

'What, no glomp? No askin' for a date?' Ranma shook his head in disbelief. He had of a mind to see what was wrong with her, but for once, reason won out over ego and curiosity. 

Ominous indeed 

Again, he turned towards the dojo, at a slight jog now. He had gotten several blocks when he heard yet another familiar voice. 

"Nice day for a stroll, is it not my sister?" 

"Yes, brother dear, it is indeed. I can not remember a finer day." 

"Oh, look! Is that not Saotome?" 

"I do believe that is my Ranma-sama, brother dear." 

"Ah! Saotome!" the older Kuno waved. 

Ranma stared wide-eyed at the brother sister pair as they strolled arm in arm down the street. Slowly he nodded his head in return to their greeting and watched them gaily meander past him. 

"Pods," was his only verbal response before he turned on the balls of his feet and ran towards the Tendo dojo. He was in sight of its gates when a little grayed haired woman popped out from behind a fence, ready to drench him with a bucket of water. 

He welcomed the sight with out stretched arms. 

'Ah, normalcy,' his mind breathed in relief, glad to be back in familiar territory. But no stress relieving waters came. 

"Close one, eh Ranma?" 

Ranma opened one eye, and not believing what he saw, opened the other for a second opinion. Ryouga stood a foot away, his opened umbrella having protected Ranma from the impending deluge. Shaking the water from it, Ryouga closed the umbrella and returned it to its place. Without waiting for a word of gratitude, Ryouga continued on his way, not even stopping to say 'hi' to Akane. 

Now Ranma was not a religious person. His martial arts was his religion and his hands were his gods, but what he saw as his eyes followed Ryouga's departure, coupled with the events of the day made him wonder. A miniature monk in full garb was staring directly at him. The monk then took out his prayer beads and placing them abreast of his chest, bowed to Ranma. 

The monk watched silently as Ranma burst through the gates of the dojo and hoped he had arrived in time, Buddha be praised. 

Ranma ran into the house out of breath. Today was just too much. It was either one huge conspiracy to drive him insane or it was the end of the world. Ranma found each scenario equally plausible. Going into the kitchen, he took a large pitcher from a cupboard and began to fill it with cold water. Both Kasumi and Akane watched him as he gulped down the entire pitcher. Surprisingly, he didn't get enough water on him to activate his curse. 

"Busy day, Ranma?" Kasumi asked wiping her hands on her apron. 

"Not busy, weird. I think it might be the end of the world. You know the signs. All sorts of weird things happenin', dogs and cats livin' together and stuff like that," he said between gulps. Wiping his mouth, he placed the pitcher in the sink. "You know, what's the Christian word... 'Reclamation'." 

"Do you mean Revelation, the Apocalypse, Armageddon?" Kasumi asked. 

"Yeah, that's it. You seen Akane," he asked running out of the kitchen. 

"She's right here." Kasumi pointed toward the stove where Akane was busy battling a boiling pot, not even noticing Ranma's exit. "DINNER WILL BE READY IN A MINUTE!" Kasumi shouted after him. 

"Could you please pass me s'more rice? Thanks" 

"Do you like the curry, Ranma?" Kasumi asked with a slight smile on her face as she handed him a freshly filled bowl of rice. She already knew what his answer would be, she could tell by the way he inhaled his food. 

Akane, who up to this point had been sitting quietly next to Ranma, became very interested in table and her eyes focused on it unmoving, though her ears waited for his answer. 

"Yoom beff, iss yor bes yef." Translation: You bet, it's your best yet. Ranma apparently felt conversation was no reason to stop stuffing his face. 

Akane eyes immediately flew from the observation of the table to stare at Ranma, when Genma chimed in. 

"Your not kidding, this is by far the best curry I've ever tasted, next to your mother's of course." Nabiki and Soun nodded their agreement, mouths to full to reply by any other means. 

Akane heard none of it. Her whole world was locked on the young man in front of her. 

"Y...y... you really liked the curry, Ranma?" She did her best to suppress the smile that was slowly creeping to her face. She couldn't have heard that right. 

Ranma, for his part, just stared at her uncomprehendingly, wondering what the big deal was. With a chopstick still hanging from his mouth, he simply nodded. Although Ranma was a little slow to understand, the two fathers quickly caught on to what had just transpired. 

"Akane, am I to believe that you cooked tonight's dinner," Soun asked his daughter. 

"Surely, Kasumi helped a little," Genma added. 

Soun and Genma decided to play this one close to the hilt, not jumping to any conclusions too quickly. The implications of this event were just too important. 

"Uh... Akane? Akane?" asked her father, while tapping her on the shoulder. Nothing. "Hmm... It's like we're not even here," Soun noted. He gave a quick nod to Genma, who returned it. He then gave looks to his two eldest daughters, and everyone quickly left the table, leaving Akane and Ranma alone. 

"Akane... you made the curry?" Ranma asked somewhat stunned. 

She nodded, 'yes'. 

"You did!" he asked again grabbing her by the shoulders and looking into her eyes. 

"Y... yes, I made it all myself," she said blushing. They were so close. She could feel his breath on her cheeks, her body against his. She returned his stare, losing herself in his blue gray eyes. Things had been going so well, could today be the day? 

Ranma mentally slapped himself. How could he have forgotten the end of the world, The Restoration! It was the only answer. The end was nigh. He soon forgot the end of the world again as he felt Akane's body brush against his, as she stood on her toes. Her cheeks were a rosy red and her eyes were gently closed. Was she going to kiss him? Was he going to kiss her? 

In a corner of the room out of the way, Soun and Genma quietly rooted their two children on, as Nabiki recorded the scene. Today was just too perfect. 

"Go, go, go, go, go," Soun and Genma, cheered, waving little flags. 

'Cute,' was the last thought in Ranma's mind as he bent down to meet Akane's lips, his eyes involuntarily closing. 

Nabiki zoomed in. 

Genma prepared to pop the cork on the champagne. 

Soun readied the party poppers. 

Kasumi readied her tears. 

Inches away now. 

WHAT A DAY! 

"Tim abmimnff" Translation: 'Tis ominous. 

Everybody fell to the floor, save for the Buddhist monk, who was sitting on the table gurgling down the rest of the curry. Soun streaked into the room, grabbed the monk, and launched him out the window. 

"Please, just continue with what you were doing," he said to Ranma and Akane before vanishing from the room. 

Sadly the moment had passed. Standing, Ranma scratched the back of his head nervously. His face was still quite red. 

"Quite a day, huh?" He asked Akane. 

"Uh, yeah." The monk would die. 

"No! NO! CONTINUE!" Soun cried. 

Ranma and Akane ignored him and went to sit on the veranda. Putting a shaky arm around Akane's shoulders, Ranma let out a contented sigh. Today was a good day. He had even managed to avoid turning into a girl. Maybe his luck was changing. 

Hanging upside down in a nearby tree, the monk watched the couple. He hoped they had enjoyed Buddha's gift, because that was what the day had been... a gift. Soon, real soon, they would be hit by true chaos, like a star falling from the sky. 

Cherry wasn't the only one observing the young couple. On a nearby roof top two dark figures watched them as well. Both were clad in purple ninja attire. One was almost twice the height of the other. 

'Enjoy the moment while you can you two. Tomorrow your relationship ends,' the smaller ninja plotted, his mask hiding his smirk. 

"That's where I should be right now!" The larger ninja pointed towards Ranma and Akane. "Why is she having all the fun?" The ninja demanded to know and began pacing back and forth on the roof, eaten up by impatience. "Look at her! Just sitting there like a stick in the mud," the ninja ripped off the uniform's mask and hood releasing a cascade of sandalwood brown hair. "She doesn't deserve a guy like that! And he doesn't deserve a docile girl like her!" 

The smaller ninja raised an eyebrow at the description of Akane as docile, maybe in comparison. Everyone seemed docile when standing next to the teenage girl before him. 

The taller ninja cracked her knuckles and stared at the figures of Ranma and Akane, who were oblivious to all else around them. Why, someone could just swoop down, snatch Ranma, and be twenty blocks away before Akane could blink. The ninja began to make her way to the edge of the roof before a hand stopped her. 

"That can be left for tomorrow. Right now, we must test the fruits of your training!" She looked down at him with a sarcastic smile. "Not underwear again? Didn't I get enough Amazon wraps for you?" 

The smaller ninja shook his head disappointedly. "I see you still have much to learn, young one. Though it is true the Amazon raid produced quite the bounty and will no doubt go down as one of the finest moments of the Anything Goes Schools..." 

She smiled proudly at the praise. 

"However..." 

She frowned. 

"One can never have enough silky darl..." He quickly covered his mouth, just catching his mistake. His young charge cocked her head and blinked at him questioningly. "Silky delights... I was going to say 'silky delights'." 

The girl shrugged. "Whatever." 

"You *must* learn this basic tenet, if you are to become a master of the school." 

She put her hands on her hips and looked at the setting sun. "Well, sawreee! I just don't have that much interest in women's unmentionables. BLEAGH! " 

'Which is a very good thing,' the smaller ninja thought with some relief. 'With your talent, you could put a serious dent in to my daily collection. Thanks to totally unforeseen events, however, and a stroke of luck, all that talent works *for* me instead of *against* me.' He laughed greedily. 

His student once again made her way to the edge of the roof to abscond with Ranma. 

The smaller ninja stopped laughing and cleared his throat. "Do it for me?" he asked sweetly. 

She sighed and smiled also. "You know that I will. No one has taken care of me or been as nice to me as you," she said with a touch of melancholy in her voice. She kneeled down so that they were face to face and rewarded him with one of her rare heart felt smiles. He almost felt guilty looking at it. "So what's this test?" 

"Three test actually, but don't you think you should change first?" 

"I suppose so for appearance sake," she said reaching into her uniform for a vacuum-sealed flask. "And for some reason, these tests of yours are a lot easier this way," a now masculine voice said. 

The smaller ninja cleared his voice again, before tossing an item of clothing at his protégé. "These are..." he began. 

"Part of a bra and panty set from Madame Yum Yum's Spring of '98 collection. He took out a jeweler's eyepiece and examined the garment in more detail. 'Hmm… a blue hair.' 

The smaller ninja's smirk broadened beneath his mask. He had never seen much talent. "Retrieve the rest of the set." 

The young man stood and replaced the hood and mask over his mane of dark brown hair. "Too easy," he said confidently before disappearing from the roof. 

The young ninja laughed as he dashed through the crowded evening streets. The moon was just starting its ascension and many a couple were enjoying the last hours of a pleasant April day. The ninja raced through the mass of people as if they weren't there, continuously laughing. He was very much enjoying himself. True, he had told his master that he didn't share the same passion for underwear and he didn't. What he did crave, however, and what these excursions did provide in abundance was a good hunt. The thrill of the chase was an intoxication, a drug, and he was an addict. If only someone were pursuing him right now, THEN it would be perfect. 

In a single leap he bound to the top of a light pole as it clicked several times trying to activate. He surveyed the concrete jungle with proud hungry eyes. It wasn't that he hadn't enjoyed the past six months in China training in the *Arts*, and it wasn't that he didn't love the grandeur of the countryside and nature itself. It was just good to be back in the city amongst people. Although much of his past eluded him, he was sure of one thing: He was a child of the harsh urban environment, born and bred. The feeling overwhelmed him and he could no longer contain it. 

"MWAAHAHAA..." He laughed, spreading wide his arms, and putting the fear of God into those within earshot. 

That was when it hit him. You could call it a sixth sense and it was not unlike a martial artist's sense of impending danger. It was just as finely tuned as well. She was nearby... about five blocks north and three blocks over. He took the garment given to him by his teacher and placing it in both hands, held his arms out before him like a divining rod. His image blurred for a moment and then was gone, leaving a swirl of cherry blossoms in his wake. 

She would break his skinny duck neck next time she saw him. What parts of 'leave me the Hell alone' did he not understand? She stormed into the washroom of the Cat Café and began filling the tub with steaming water. 

'It had been such a nice day too!' She had wanted to spend it quietly thinking of ways to make Ranma open his eyes to all she had to offer. She angrily grabbed the towel her ninja attendant handed her. 

"But NO! That stupid Mousse had to hound me all day without a moments respite," she lashed out in her native tongue. 

The ninja attendant just shook his head sympathetically. 

"I can't remember the last time I had a day off from the restaurant!" She let out totally absorbed in her rage. 

Her ninja attendant busily picked up her dirty clothing, paying particular attention to a black lace bra, which he noted with some a frown was larger than the one he normally wore... when he wore one. Sometimes he liked to let them go free… anyway that was a thought for later. Finishing, he waited patiently by the door. 

The bath now full and steam billowing through out the room, Shampoo turned off the faucet. Walking over to the far wall, she grabbed a small bench. Sitting it upright she noted her attendant waiting quietly and dismissed him with a wave of her hand. He nodded and left. Picking up the hand held showerhead, she began washing herself, still quite furious. 

The ninja quickly and stealthily made his way to the rear of the restaurant and the door to the alleyway. Not only had he passed his test, he had a little bit extra. Quite pleased with himself, he exited through the door and was about to make good his escape when he just barely avoided being decapitated. 

"WHO ARE YOU! And what are you doing with Shampoo's clothes!" A tall figure in white demanded. With a jerk of his wrist, the sickle and chain that had impacted in the wall just behind the ninja snapped back into his hand. 

The ninja chuckled confidently, showing no signs of fear as he tried to see his attacker in the darkened alley. "My name... my name is... umm... my name is Shurato Mendou!" Yeah, that sounded like the name of a pervert, who would steal women's underwear. "The Silken Stalker!" 

Mousse stepped out of the shadows of the alley way and into the light. "Well, Mr. Shutaro Mendou, The Silken Stalker, you made a fatal mistake assaulting my Shampoo! Now, prepare..." 

"You are _so_ *handsome*," the ninja proclaimed now less than a meter in front of Mousse. Mousse hadn't even seen him move. "You want to go out for tea sometime?" 

Mousse was taken a back and lost his bloodlust for a moment. "Uh... no.' 

"Okay then," the ninja said, not the least bit discouraged by the rebuff. "How about a movie?" His eyes sparkled and he smiled brilliantly. 

"No!" Mousse shouted, accentuating his answer with a quick punch aimed at the ninja's head. 

"Dinner?" The ninja asked casually moving his head from one side to another, avoiding Mousse's continued attempts. 

"NO!" 

"Baseball game?" 

"NO!" Mousse yelled with growing frustration and a crescent kick. 

The ninja bent over backwards at the waist, avoiding the kick. "Aquarium?" He asked coming upright again. 

"No! Damn it!" Mousse shouted out with a fury of blows, none of which connected. 

"Hiroshi's House of Heavenly Hentai Hijinx?" 

"I said..." Mousse jumped back several feet, "NO!" And unleashed a torrent of throwing stars. "I DON'T WANT TO GO OUT WITH YOU!" 

His aim was perfect, as the ninja clad figure clenched at his chest in pain and fell backwards in to a group of trashcans. They were sent sprawling through the alley with a crash. Mousse laughed lightly to himself as he walked up to the spilled pile of trash. Looking to unmask the cur, who was ignorant enough to attack Shampoo and challenge him to combat, he bent down and began to rifle through the spilt garbage. All he could find was a fallen tanuki statue with several throwing stars embedded in its chest. 

"Huh," was his intellectual response as he scratched his head. "How did he..." He wondered when he felt someone tap him on the back. He looked over his shoulder to see puckered lips descending down on him. Disbelief and fear paralyzed him. 

"Okay then, how about a quick kiss?" The ninja mouthed, about to score. These Nerima guys were easy. 

That was when the backdoor to the Cat Café exploded. 

"Oops, we'll continue this later," the ninja said tossing Shampoo's clothes at Mousse, all of them except a black lace bra. In a blink the ninja was gone. 

As the cloud of dust and splintered wood cleared, Shampoo stood menacingly in the doorway, searching for the pervert who had spied on her bath and taken her clothes. She had a fairly good idea of who it was. 

"MOUSSE!" 

Mousse removed Shampoo's pants from the top of his head and looked into the burning eyes of his love. For a brief moment he debated the merits of trying to tell her the truth, but the point became moot once she began stomping on his head. As he began to fall in and out of lucidness, one thought was prevalent in his mind. 

It was better than being kissed by a guy. 

Roof of the Tendo Dojo 

"You've done well up to this point. You have taken to the training with a passion I have seen only once before. Now the next test." He reached into his top, pulling out an extremely small scrap of black garment. "Bring me this rest of this," he said handing the cloth to his student. 

Raising his head, the student eyes seemed to ask if that was all the information he was to be given. The smaller ninja answered with a nod of his head. 

Lowering the piece of his mask that covered his mouth and nose, the student put the cloth to his nose and took a whiff. Next he placed it in his mouth between tongue and cheek. 

"Spandex... from a leotard." He swashed the cloth around his mouth a few more times. "Black hair, likes to work out. I wager she wears this a lot." 

His Master gave him neither a yes nor no. "GO! Bring the garment. Intact. I don't want one tiny rip save the one already in it" 

Standing, the student took a moment to smell the air and then vanished in a blur. 

Happosai smiled. 

Kuno estate, Kodachi's room 

Kodachi sighed as she prepared for sleep. Removing her clothes, she sat on her bed and reflected on the day. It had been rather pleasant. She couldn't remember the last time she and her brother had had a normal conversation. Too bad the moron had to ruin it when they had arrived home by speaking ill of her Ranma-sama. 

'And that old pervert ripped my favorite leotard too,' she thought, looking at the tear in the neckline. 

Taking a brush to her hair, her mind turned to her Ranma-sama. He had seemed troubled when she saw him today. No doubt that wicked Akane had visited some sort of torments upon him. Well, tomorrow she would punish that witch, and bring Ranma some nice roses. 

"Then maybe he'll notice me," she said with a sigh, placing the brush on the dresser. Lying face up in her bed, she started to reach over and turn off the light, when she spotted a purple shadow hanging from the ceiling above her. With a lecherous laugh well known in other parts of Nerima, the shadow descended upon her. 

Ten seconds later, the purple shadow was thrown out a closed window, over the wall and into a telephone poll. 

"Another flawless victory for the Silken Stalker!" he laughed, stuffing his ill-gotten gains into his top and standing wobbly. Shaking his head, he soon regained partial vision and disappeared into the night. Kodachi was unable to pursue, given her state of undress, so she screamed from the window a cry that would be echoed many times this night. 

"COME BACK HERE YOU PERVERT!" 

Back at the dojo, the student presented his sensei with a black leotard; fresh off the rack you might say. 

"Well done," Happosai said caressing the leotard to his face. "Now for your final test! Pass it, and none shall stand between you and your goal of carrying on the Anything Goes School!" 

"You mean my goal of getting into Ranma's pants," the young man corrected. 

"Uh, yeah." Happosai was still not used to hearing a man's voice say that. "But keep in mind Akane. She can be trouble when properly motivated." 

The young ninja dismissed that notion. "I'll walk all over her. The worse she could ever do is beat me up." 

'He... she has a point there. Physical attacks merely slow her down, and motivate her more,' Happosai mused. 

"Ok, what's this final test? I have a big day tomorrow, places to go... men to seduce." 

Happosai tossed yet another piece of clothing at his counterpart, a strip of white cloth, about half a meter in length. It had a pleasant, tasty smell to it. The ninja knew the aroma well. It always made his mouth water. It also smelled like okonomiyaki. He violently shook his head clear. 

'You shouldn't think that way,' a voice in his head told him. 'So what if it does smell like some woman's breasts, you are a woman too. Always remember that.' 

The ninja said nothing more and staggered dazedly to the edge of the roof. Hitting himself in the forehead with the palm of his hand, he regained his composure, and then vanished. 

"I'll give him a few more minutes before I close up shop," Ukyou said looking at the closed doors of her restaurant. 

Seeing Akane earlier in the day at the market buying groceries normally guaranteed Ukyou a visit from Ranma, but here she was almost finished busing the last table of the dinner rush without so much as a 'Hey, Ucchan.' 

'I wonder what happened?' Ukyou thought to herself. 'Akane's cooking couldn't have been edible, could it?' 

She sighed, wiping down the table and picking up the last of the dirty dishes. He wasn't going to show. With a heavy heart and weary legs, she brought the dirty dishes to the rear of the restaurant for cleaning. "Well, at least I get to see him at school tomorrow. God, when did I my life become so pathetic," she groaned, starting in on the large pile of dishes in front of her. 

She was well under way with her washing effort when she heard the front door of the restaurant open and close. 

'I knew he would show up. Akane probably tried to force him to eat her toxic stew! That's why it took him so long,' she thought excitedly, throwing off her apron and rushing out front. It was strange how easily her melancholy lifted at the prospect of seeing him. 

"Ranma, you jackass, what took you..." She paused looking out at her empty restaurant. Cautiously, she walked towards the door, her eyes scanning the restaurant as she did so. 

"Tsubasa! I swear if you're in here..." She let the threat linger. Reaching the door, she stuck her head out and looked up and down the street. There was a couple just about to turn the corner at the end of the block, but otherwise, the streets were empty. 

"Huh," she mouthed closing and locking the door. "Maybe... I'm imaging things." 

Slowly she made her way back to the waiting dirty dishes, all the while on the look out for something out a place: an extra table, counter or trash can. Ukyou took a mental inventory of every item she saw, determined not to let a certain cross-dresser slip past her unnoticed. She was so diligent in her search for a stray mailbox or potted plant that she failed to pay much notice to the one hundred sixty pound human shaped cockroach clinging perfectly still to one of the walls. 

It watched her pass by and laughed silently to itself. 'You can't see me... I am _NINJA_,' he thought confidently. After Ukyou passed into the backroom, it waited for the sound of washing dishes before dropping silently to the floor and quickly making its way upstairs. 

Ukyou was almost finished with the dishes when she thought she smelled smoke coming from upstairs. She rushed to grab a nearby fire extinguisher and then hurried up the stairs. She could see smoke billowing from beneath her bedroom door, and cursed allowed. She carefully walked up to the door and touched it. The wood was cold. With a sigh of relief she quickly opened the door. 

'Perhaps it's not too late for me to put it out,' she thought hopefully. 

To Ukyou's good fortune, the fire was limited to the contents of a metal wastebasket in the middle of her room. Unfortunately, there was also a masked man standing in front of her closet tossing her school uniforms into the fire. Finding a masked man in their bedroom at night while you were alone would probably terrify most people, but Ukyou wasn't most people. 

"What the Hell do you think you're doing!" she demanded to know, throwing the extinguisher at the masked ninja. 

It hit him square in the face, but failed to have any noticeable effect. The ninja calmly reached into the closet and pulled out the last boy's uniform. "Believe me, I didn't want to do this. I think more girls should dress like you do." 

"Wha?" That was the first time anyone had told Ukyou that dressing like a guy was a good thing. She forgot about breaking his neck for a moment. 

"Sure... leaves more men for me," he finished tossing the last uniform into the fire. "But I had to do it, sorry." 

"Y... you... those are my school uniforms!" She shouted, removing her combat spatula from her back. "What am I suppose to wear to school tomorrow?" 

Without saying a word, the ninja pulled out a single girl's uniform that had been in the closet and threw it at Ukyou's feet. 

Ukyou tightened her grip around her spatula and started to walk menacingly toward the stranger. "I don't know what your problem is or who you think you are..." 

"Shutaro Mendou, the Silken Stalker." 

"...Whoever you are buddy, you're in for a world of hurt." 

"You're wearing one now, aren't you?" the ninja asked in a sad voice. 

"What... Wearing one what?" she asked back, confusion evident on her face. 

The ninja held up a fist and then released it, allowing a crumpled length of cloth to unfurl. It dangled over the waste paper basket, the flames licking the end. 

Realizing what it was he held in his hands, Ukyou blushed slightly. 

"It… it's none of your damned business what I wear!" 

"I told you that I rather not do this. If you want to hide your goodies, then I'm all for you." The ninja dropped the wrap into the fire and began rubbing his hands together. "I truly hate to do this to a girl, really I do. If you were a boy, that would be another story." His hands were beginning to smoke. "It could be worse though." 

Ukyou didn't know what this pervert was up to but she didn't like it. She held her spatula up defensively. 

The ninja quickened his pace and his hands burst into flames. "Don't worry, it doesn't hurt, but you might want to stay home tomorrow." The ninja thrusted his hands forward. 

Ukyou tried to block the attack with her spatula, but the flames just washed around it. Time seemed to slow as she watched the fire eat at her clothes. She screamed out in terror and fell to the floor, but no one heard her. 

"It's done?" 

"Yeah, it's done. You do know that this is going to cause me trouble in the future!" The ninja replied with his arms across his chest. "Plus, she was wearing one of her chest wraps when I burned all her male clothes. I had to use my special technique on her to get it!" 

Happosai became *very* excited! "The one with the finger!" He asked with drool running down the side of his mouth. 

"Ewwww! No! The other one," the ninja said in apparent disgust. 

'Oh well, she'll have to use 'the finger' sooner or later if she plans on facing all the girls interested in Ranma. Damn it all! Ukyou must be a sight to see now!' Happosai lamented. 'I better get that video camera for the rest of her fights!' He turned to his student who was beginning to yawn. "Can you teach *me* that finger technique? PLEASE!" Oh, the fun he could have. 

The young ninja paused in mid yawn to look at his index finger. "I'm surprised you don't already know how to do it. Don't you know all those pressure point techniques? Isn't that what this is?" He said going through the motions of the dreaded attack. 

"Believe me! I've tried to find that one, but in all my long years, you are the only person I've ever seen do it! If I could do it..." 

The entire female population of the planet collectively shuddered. 

"Maybe you have to be born with it," the ninja finished blowing imaginary smoke from the finger. In any case, I've passed all your test, yes?" 

"Yes, well done," Happosai said caressing Shampoo's black lace bra, Kodachi's leotard, and one of Ukyou's chest bindings to his face. 

The young ninja removed his cowl and made a face. 'Well to each his own,' He thought looking to get out of this body and get some sleep. He had one hundred thousand and one men to collect. Where he came up with the number, one hundred thousand and one, he couldn't remember. 

"WAIT! MORE SILKY DARLINGS" Happosai shouted out to the retreating student. The thrill the night's booty, the picture of what Ukyou must look like now, and the idea of getting to see the 'finger' used on a female Ranma, had excited him beyond caution. He said the one word he wasn't supposed to. 

His student's frame shook at that last word. Pictures raced through his mind, before something crushed them. He held his head in pain. 

"What's the matter?" Happosai asked. 

'Nothing is wrong, is it?' A voice in his mind asked. 

"No, nothing is wrong, nothing." 

"Then GO!" 

"HAI!" 

Ranma woke up on time for once. He was already dressed when Akane burst into the room to wake him. He had gotten a good night's sleep... for the most part. At one point in the night, he thought he had heard "you know whose voice", but maybe it was just a nightmare. He hoped it was anyway. 

After washing up, Ranma joined the rest of the family at the breakfast table. It looked to be another beautiful April day. 

"You look to be in good spirits this morning, Ranma." Kasumi observed handing him a plate. 

"Yup, I think my luck has finely turned. Yesterday was just great; nobody bothered me. It was perfect. And we haven't seen the old freak in months!" 

Soun and Genma quickly jumped across the table and covered Ranma's mouth. 

"Quiet boy, don't speak of it." 

"He's right, son, if you even think of him, he appears." 

They were far, far too late, as they were about to find out. 

"Hey Daddy, I think your Master Happosai is back," Nabiki said looking at the TV. 

"Nabiki! Don't speak his name!" Soun pleaded. 

"But Daddy, look." She pointed at the TV and turned up the volume. 

#In a night that will live in infamy, it would appear that the panty thief that struck certain parts of Nerima so many months ago has returned with a vengeance. Over a hundred women have reported break-ins and thefts, by someone calling himself, the Silken Stalker. Some reports indicate that the garments were at times stolen right off the victim without their knowledge. Police believe it maybe a ring of thieves, considering the number of attacks in one evening. In other news, there was a break in at the Nerima District Morgue. Several bodies have turned up missing and already distraught family members are demanding answers from the police. Internationally, the Oni have again repeated their demands to the U.N. Security Council for the return of Atar... # 

Soun quickly quieted the television. "Please...please not him. Not the Master," Soun cried. 

"Tendo! Watch what you say!" 

Far, far too late 

The skies began to darken as black storm clouds rolled in, blocking out the sun. Lighting streaked, and claps of thundered peeled, rumbling the windows. Then came a soft knocking at the front door. 

"Nobody answer it. Evil can't come in, if you don't invite it," Genma offered. 

The light knocking became a loud pounding as the rains began to fall. 

"Well we can't just leave whoever it is out in the rain, that would be rude," Kasumi said walking to the door. 

"Besides, not answering the door has never stopped Happosai before," Nabiki put in. "And since when does he knock?" 

A few moments later, Kasumi's startled gasp, caused everyone to rush to the door. When they arrived, they saw Kasumi staring at a teenage girl with sand brown hair tied into ponytails on either side of her head and dark brown eyes. The girl was as tall as Kasumi had a child like face and a well-proportioned body. She was plain, but pretty. In fact, she could be the poster model for the girl next door; that was how innocent she looked. Innocent, save for the fact that though conservative the dress she was wearing was two sizes too small. Plus there was the old lecher clasping tenaciously to her bosom. 

Happosai let go of his perch and turned to face his audience, letting the girl carry him like a teddy bear. 

"Soun, Genma, everybody, I would like you to meet my great-granddaughter, Aya. Aya say hello to the Tendo's and Saotome's." 

"Hi everyone! Huh, what's the matter? Why is everyone on the floor, Grandfather?" 

"They're just crazy like that sometimes, but remember what I taught you, 'don't look a gift horse in the mouth'. Hurry up and help me with the ladies' undies," Happosai said hopping from Aya's arms. 

Aya frowned and rebuttoned Ranma's shirt, where he lay on the ground. Standing up, she spun on her grandfather and stomped her foot in frustration and anger. 

"BUT GRANDPA! YOU PROMISED I COULD RIDE THE HORESY!" 

From across the street a miniature monk halted his breakfast and lifted his head from out of the neighbor's trashcan to watch the display in the Tendo doorway. He marveled at how fast the boy had pounced on Ranma. He was faster than ever. Moroboshi's facial features were as horrible as ever too, and that boy, Ranma's were almost as bad. Yes, Cherry had his work cut out for him. 


	2. Instinct

LIME Warning: Aya can speak quite frankly at times and is completely at ease with other people's sexuality. It's her own that she confuses her.  
  
Putting On Heirs  
  
The characters of Urusei Yatsura and Ranma 1/2 belong to Rumiko Takahashi, VIZ and AnimEigo. They are used without permission.  
  
Love means to love that which is unlovable; or it is no virtue at all. ~ Gilbert K. Chesterton ~  
  
  
  
Part II:  
  
Instinct  
  
  
  
Instinctively, she huddled closer to the warmth of the ship's huge boilers. Although the temperature in the engine room in which she hid was well over ninety degrees, she shivered as if it were the dead of winter. Sheets of sweat glistened through her tattered clothing and upon her forehead as if they were sheets of ice. Again she tossed in her sleep, causing bear flesh to come in contact with the glowing hot machinery, scalding her badly, but she failed to wake. Neither the pain from the burn nor the constant drum of the machinery was enough to break the trance of her nightmare. No matter how much she may have wanted it to. As the cargo ship slowly made its way to Japan, the small fifteen-year-old amazon hiding in its bowls, relived the best and worst day in her young life... over and over again.  
  
  
  
Her feet pounded the pavement and her twin ponytails whipped from side to side, occasionally obstructing her vision as she walked purposefully toward a soda can lying on the sidewalk. Rearing a leg back, she kicked the can with all of her might. As she extended her leg through the kick and up over her head, she lost her footing and flipped full circle on to her stomach. The can ricocheted off a lamppost and then a passing bus before finally meeting the forehead of the girl just as she hit the ground with a thud.  
  
"Stupid, stupid, stupid... What am I suppose to do all day long at an all girls school?" The young girl ran both hands through her sandal brown hair, finally grabbing and pulling at her twin pony tails in exasperation, while she still lay flat on the pavement.  
  
As she continued to grumble and rant in front of them, Ranma and Akane looked on in disbelief. They both stared openly at the young girl wearing the St. Hebereke uniform.  
  
Ranma leaned down to whisper in Akane's ear. "You don' believe it, d'ya? That she's the pervert's great granddaughter?"  
  
His breath tickled her cheek, causing it to redden and her shoulder occasionally brushed against the firmness of his chest. She found it difficult to think with him so close. "I don't know, Ranma," she answered with a catch in her throat. In truth, she wasn't even thinking about Happosai's great-granddaughter. Though her eyes focused on the girl named Aya, who had appeared with Happosai out of thin air and on to the Tendo doorstep this morning, Akane's mind was elsewhere.  
  
Yesterday had been near perfect: no Ukyou, no Shampoo, no Kodachi, and no Kuno. She had cooked the family dinner and everyone complimented her on how good it had been. Ranma had even thought so. As she thought back to the night before and how Ranma had held her in his arms, she unconsciously closed her eyes, reliving the moment of their near kiss.  
  
"Hey, you home in there, Akane?" Ranma asked, gently rapping on Akane's forehead with the back of his fist. 'She looks like she's zoned out. Probably still in shock,' Ranma thought as he watched her.  
  
The spell broken, Akane opened her eyes... or had she. Again she found herself staring into eyes of slate gray, his hand on her shoulder and their faces inches apart. She blushed furiously and pushed him away and into the nearby chain fence. "I'm fine and don't stand so close to me, you pervert!" She turned away from the fallen Ranma and faced the street to hide her embarrassment.  
  
Ranma smiled up at her from his position on the ground. "Now that's the tomboy I know. Ya' shouldn't daydream in the street. Ya' could get run over or somethin'."  
  
Akane turned hard on him. "I wasn't daydreaming! I was thinking... that is until you put your perverted hands all over me!"  
  
Ranma jumped to his feet. "Wha' nonsense are you talkin' about! I didn' touch you!"  
  
Akane balled her hands into fists and marched over to where Ranma was standing. "Then what were you doing!" she demanded, standing toe to toe with her fiancé.  
  
Ranma was becoming just as angry. "I was jus..."  
  
"Wow! Sex between you guys must be hot!"  
  
Both Akane and Ranma froze in their places, their faces turning cherry red.  
  
"Oh, don't stop on my account. Keep going!"  
  
Slowly Akane and Ranma turned to see Aya sitting cross-legged in front of them, her elbows resting on knees, her chin on the back of her hands, her eyes following their every move.  
  
"Wha... what did you say?" Akane asked hesitantly, fearing the answer.  
  
Aya blinked innocently at them as if confused. "Don't' stop on my account?" she offered.  
  
Ranma shook his head. "No, before that."  
  
Aya raised her head from her hands and thought about that for a moment before remembering. "Oh! I was just saying that you guys must have really hot sex! I'm envious," she finished with a pout.  
  
Like bowling pins, they wobbled back and forth before crashing to the ground. Ranma stood first followed quickly by Akane. They both pointed accusatory fingers at the other.  
  
"With... with... with that tomboy!"  
  
"I would never let that pervert touch me!"  
  
A puzzled expression again crossed Aya's face. "Aren't you two engaged to be married?"  
  
Akane crossed her arms in front of her in anger. "Hmphf, that was our parent's idea..."  
  
"...We had no say in the matter," Ranma finished.  
  
Aya watched the pair closely, a dangerous instinctive smile coming to her lips and a predatory look to her eyes. "So, who cares how it came about? You two don't want to get married?" Her eyes moved from one to the other.  
  
For a second time, Aya's words froze the pair in place. Slowly the anger faded from Akane's face and her arms hung loosely from her shoulders. She spared a glance at Aya, who was looking rather intently back at her. Not being able to take the scrutiny, Akane's vision focused on the ground in front of her and her sweating hands. Drawing up what she could of her courage, she began to answer Aya's question. To say 'no' to say 'yes', she wasn't sure what words would come out of her mouth.  
  
"Well... it's...I'd rather..."  
  
Ranma's words caught Akane off guard; she wasn't expecting him to answer. What was he going to say? She quickly turned her attention to her right and hung on his every word... for what they were.  
  
Ranma wanted to say something to end the torture this girl, Aya, was putting him through. She was *definitely* Happosai's Great-granddaughter. Really, him and Akane doing... THAT! It was disgusting... as much as the idea of their marriage was absurd. Anything was better than this. Akane probably thought so too. He was about to say "he'd rather take another dip in one of the cursed pools of Jusenkyo before he would marry that tomboy", when his gaze turned to the tomboy in question. His brain failed when he saw the soft hue in her cheeks and her expectant expression, which seemingly looked right through him. He couldn't finish what he wanted to say; his only recourse was to look away and into the morning's blue sky.  
  
Aya's smile cracked her face and her bared teeth glistened in the sun. If Akane and Ranma had seen her now, they would be quite shocked by the insidious nature of her expression. It wouldn't be any fun if they just fell over on their backs with their soldiers in the air. Nooo... there had to be some challenge to it. The chase was fifty percent of her fun! "Everyone falls in love at sometime... it isn't a crime, you know," Aya added to their torment. They'd deny it and turn on each other any minute now.  
  
"You're one to talk and your faces is as horrible as ever I see."  
  
Aya's eyes widened in terror and her posture became rigid. Slowly she stood, turned around and saw... nothing.  
  
"What depravity are you planning now?"  
  
Aya fearfully looked down toward her feet and in the direction of the voice. She was nearly blinded by the reflection of the sun off that baldhead. "YOU!" she shouted while reaching behind her back. Pulling out two huge black mallets with gold trim, she smashed the holy man in front of her into the ground.  
  
Akane and Ranma were startled out of their thoughts by the sound of the cracking pavement. Now what was going on?  
  
"Did you get him?"  
  
Aya calmed her heaving chest and wiped the sweat from her brow. "Yeah... huhuhuh," she said still breathing hard. She smiled. "I think I got the little pest, you never know with Che..." Aya spun on her heels to see to whom she was speaking. Cherry smiled back at her. Screaming in frustration, Aya pulled out a fist full of her own hair and bolted down the street.  
  
Cherry took up pursuit of the soul he had dedicated his life to watching. "Where are you running off to so early in the morning in a small country like Japan? Do you smell food? Wait! Don't go in that direction! It's OMINOUS!"  
  
"STOP FOLLOWING ME!"  
  
Soon Aya and Cherry's voices faded into the distance, to be followed shortly by the receding sounds of explosions and automobile accidents.  
  
"What was that about, Akane?"  
  
"I don't know. We're gonna be late for school."  
  
The two ran off in the direction of Furikan High School.  
  
  
  
To most, it was the start of another beautiful day in Tomobiki. In fact, Tomobiki has had a string of particularly beautiful days lasting almost six months now, for most people. Today would be no exception. The weather was a little on the hot side for the time of day, but the cool breeze made it appear just perfect, to most people. The early morning sky was clear and birds sang welcoming the coming of spring and perhaps the promise of love, to most people. Numerous individuals were making their way down a peaceful street. The pall of misfortune, insanity and destruction seems to have permanently lifted here, leaving just a quaint quiet Nerima suburb... for most people.  
  
But to one person, and anyone stupid enough to cross her path... It was HELL.  
  
"Morning Mr. Maki, off to work?"  
  
"Morning, -sure am. Hate to do it on fine day like today, but," he shrugged.  
  
"Hello Mrs. Kimura"  
  
"Hi Mr. Noda."  
  
"Beautiful day!"  
  
"Gorgeous!"  
  
"Hello Lum!"  
  
"GOTO HELL!" she screamed, fangs bared, looking every bit the oni she was. Her hair was an unkempt, frizzled, mess with a life all its own. She didn't care. She wore a wrinkled white oversized T-shirt and her normal bikini bottoms. She wasn't looking to impress anybody. She had bags under her puffy red eyes from a combination of insomnia, and crying. Every now and then her body would twitch, shooting off an errant spark of electricity. Her head was cast down and her face was withdrawn. It was as if a part of her soul was missing. Most people gave her a wide berth. The wise ones did anyway.  
  
"Look here young lady, I know you miss Ataru, but that is no excuse to..." the neighbor woman's rant was cut short by the intense and hateful glare she was receiving.  
  
"You never liked my Darling. You're glad he's gone, aren't you?" Lum looked at the woman sidelong. Her eyes squinted accusingly and her voice was eerily quiet.  
  
"Uh..."  
  
"LIAR!" She pounced on the woman, knocking her to the ground. "WHERE IS HE? WHERE IS MY DARLING?"  
  
"I... I don't know," the woman said fearfully.  
  
"A likely story," Lum said getting off the woman, and snapping her fingers.  
  
The woman continued to cower in fear as two bolts of lightning crashed from the sky. When they subsided, two rather large oni in military attire were kneeling before their princess.  
  
"Yes, your Highness?" one spoke.  
  
"Take her for questioning," Lum pointed at the woman.  
  
The woman screamed in mortal terror as she was dragged away by the two oni.  
  
"How many does that make?" asked Shinobu who had been walking with a group that was following a few paces behind Lum.  
  
"Sixteen today, one hundred twelve in total," answered Ten, who Shinobu carried in her arms.  
  
"Oh! Oh! Can I question her Lum-chan? Can I?" Ran asked bouncing up and down with enthusiasm. The past six months had been golden for Ran.  
  
Megane gathered up his courage. "Lum-san, You can't just kidnap people off the street. We have laws and…"  
  
She turned on him. "CAN'T I!" Again she snapped her fingers, and for the twentieth time in three months, Megane was hauled away.  
  
"Well, at least she didn't electrocute him," Mendou observed.  
  
"Lum-chan hasn't zapped anyone since Ataru disappeared," Ten said sadly.  
  
"Lum-san, when do you think you'll return to class?" Mendou asked in a quiet voice, hoping to take the conversation and Lum's mind off the accursed Moroboshi. These months, surprisingly, had been difficult for him too. He would not have used the word friendship to describe his relationship with Moroboshi. Ataru was more of an obstacle, a hurdle that Mendou needed to pass. How dare the cur disappear before their man-to-man battle was finished!  
  
"What for?" Lum said in a mournful wail.  
  
"Yeah," Ran said in a similar tone, "She's lost her most precious treasure in *all* the universe." She tried her best not to snicker, and was only partially successful. "I'm surprised she even gets out of bed."  
  
Lum's demeanor sank even further, which was not missed by Ran, who became even bubblier. Lum couldn't get angry. It was true; Ran was right. The person she dedicated her life to was gone. Tears began to flow down the well-worn tracks on her face. Tomorrow would be his nineteenth birthday. She just couldn't stand it anymore. She fell to her knees crying. "Ev… everything… everything here… reminds me of Darling!"  
  
"Lum-san." Mendou rushed over to help her up, but she brushed his hand and slowly stood on her own.  
  
"Maybe… maybe I should just go home," Lum finally said.  
  
Mendou pushed down the hurt he felt from her rebuke. Though he wasn't actively pursing her as much since having found Asuka, he still felt the need to comfort Lum. Cautiously, he put his arm around her shoulder and quickly withdrew it, fearing a shock. When none came, he rested his arm fully around her shoulders. "Yes, I think that would be best," he said reassuringly and turned her back in the direction of the Moroboshi household. "Although, you should consider staying at the Mendou Estate if these surroundings remind you too much of Moroboshi."  
  
"You don't understand, Shutaro. I mean *go home*… to my world."  
  
All those in the small group looked at her with stricken faces, including Ran. Perhaps there had been a time when she wouldn't have mind leaving Earth, but now… She… she had friends here, and Earth people were so naïve! What about the fun she had here? How would she earn money for dates with Rei? The thought of leaving… It left her with an empty feeling.  
  
Lum-chan, you… you don't mean it," Ran said sincerely, as she approached her weeping best friend.  
  
Lum looked at Ran with eyes that poured tears. She had never felt this depressed before. She didn't think anyone could feel as bad as she did right now. Her shoulders began to shake uncontrollably as she spoke. "Ran… I… I just can't…" Suddenly, she picked up her head. She felt…  
  
"Lum-chan? What's thew matter?" Ran asked with genuine concern.  
  
Lum didn't answer. She wiped the tears from her eyes and began to walk slowly down the street, a strange expression on her face.  
  
Puzzled, her group of friends quickly caught up to her and followed her as she headed in one direction, paused and then began walking in another direction. She looked as though she were looking or expecting something. She did this for several blocks, pausing at intersections and then seemingly choosing a direction at random.  
  
Walking down a quiet deserted street, Shinobu finally got up the courage to ask her what was wrong. Lum didn't answer, but paused in the middle of the street and quickly rose in the air. Squinting her eyes, she tried to focus on something in the distance; there was a plume of smoke billowing up into the air several blocks away.  
  
"What's wrong Lum," Shinobu asked again.  
  
Suddenly, Lum broke out in a huge smile, her first smile in six months and quickly flew in the direction of the plume of smoke.  
  
The others again took up pursuit, following as best they could.  
  
  
  
Apparently, Akane and Ranma shouldn't have worried about getting to school on time. It looked as though classes weren't going to start anytime soon. A large group of mostly female high school students from various schools stood outside the gates of Furinkan HS. They were quite agitated which was just how Nabiki liked her customers... desperate.  
  
"No one is safe with that menace, the Silken Stalker, on the loose!" Nabiki shouted with a bullhorn from a top the wall that surrounded the school grounds. "He strikes without the slightest warning and wrenches your underwear from you. He's attacked over a hundred women. They were savagely assaulted last night, not one seeing the attacker's face. ANYONE OF YOU COULD BE NEXT!" She said sweeping the crowd with a finger. "Who knows, it could be a rape gang or a slave ring!" Nabiki warned, playing on the crowd's fears. By the fervent whispering and gasps, she had succeeded in turning what was probably just an over-heated bunch of teenagers stealing underwear into the crime wave of the century.  
  
"What are the police doing!" Someone shouted out.  
  
Nabiki laughed at the question. "Are you willing to wait for them to figure out what's going on! Where were the police last night? We have to protect ourselves!"  
  
"How Nabiki?"  
  
Nabiki hid her smile. Her plants in the crowd knew their jobs well. "I'll tell you how!" She noticed Ranma and Akane walk up to the back of the crowd. She wanted to laugh; the timing was so perfect. 'Time to stroke some ego,' Nabiki thought with a smirk. "By employing the man who keeps Happosai in check. By calling on the man who freed us of Kuno's perversion and dictatorship!" She shouted fist in the air. "We have the world's greatest martial artist right here in our school! We don't need to fear anymore! Ranma Saotome will save us!" She proclaimed and pointed at the confused martial artist at the back of the crowd.  
  
"What's goin' on, Akane?" Ranma leaned over and whispered to Akane.  
  
She shrugged her shoulders in reply.  
  
"Ranma, Ranma, Ranma," Nabiki slowly encouraged the chant. Soon her retainers in the crowd did likewise and before he knew it Ranma's name was being shouted out by a group of over seventy-five teenage girls.  
  
Akane could just see his head expanding.  
  
Inside the school, the male body of Furinkan watched the scene outside with feelings ranging from disinterest to disgust. There was just something about a gaggle of screaming girls calling out Ranma's name that made them want to cry. Weren't they men too?  
  
As the mantra continued Ranma made his way through the crowd and towards Nabiki who was waving him to come up on the wall. Akane followed close behind. Leaping up on to the wall, Ranma turned to face the crowd of screaming women. Nervously, he scratched his head, not so much due to the amount of attention he was receiving, rather because he didn't know what was going on.  
  
Nabiki walked over to Ranma and grasping his hand, raised it high in the air. "I give you the man, who will bring the 'Silken Stalker' to justice!"  
  
"Death to lechers!" The crowd chanted.  
  
"Death to preverts!"  
  
"Death to Shutaro Mendou!"  
  
Finally climbing up onto the wall herself, Akane grabbed hold of Nabiki's arm to gain her attention.  
  
"Nabiki, what's all this about?" Akane asked confused. "Why are all these girls here and why are they shouting out Ranma's name." Anger was beginning to creep into her voice.  
  
"I'll tell you in a second. Let me finish reeling them in first," Nabiki whispered to Akane and then turned to face the crowd again. "The Anything Goes School of Martial Arts will guarantee the capture of this scoundrel in one week, all for the low price of two thousand yen from each of you. I think that's a bargain for a peaceful night's sleep. Please remit payment to Seikou, who is standing next to the oak tree in the school courtyard."  
  
As the crowd dispersed, the two Tendo sisters and Ranma climbed down from the wall and began walking in the opposite direction.  
  
"Ok, Nabiki. Now can you tell me what's going on?"  
  
"Sure, Akane. Apparently, some guy calling himself 'Mendou Shutaro, the Silken Stalker' attacked over a hundred women last night and stole their underwear," Nabiki explained. The trio sat down underneath a nearby tree to get out of the morning sun.  
  
"Panty-thief… Happosai" Ranma and Akane said together.  
  
Nabiki shook her head and waved a finger back and forth. "Not this time it isn't. He may be involved, but he wasn't the one to do the actual stealing." To herself, Nabiki continued the thought, "And… Happosai didn't arrive this morning alone, either.'  
  
"How d'ya know?" Ranma asked.  
  
"Because dear Ranma, this guy is far taller than Happosai." Nabiki took out a small notepad with the description of the 'Silken Stalker' she had gather together and handed it to Ranma. "Judging by his voice, he is a young guy, maybe early twenties. He has a slight build, is very athletic and extremely fast. Some of the women didn't know they had been attacked until they got home and found out they weren't wearing underwear."  
  
Akane looked at Nabiki in shock. With the thought that such a thing was impossible, Akane made a quick check. Blushing fiercely, she hugged her arms tightly to her chest and pulled her knees in as well. "How! WHEN!" Akane exclaimed.  
  
"Got you too, Sis?" Nabiki asked raising an eyebrow.  
  
Disbelief, curiosity, and concern for Akane got the better of Ranma for a moment as he reached over and with a finger pulled at the collar of Akane shirt as if to check if she were wearing a bra. "No way!" he claimed inclining his head to see down Akane's blouse. "I was with her the whole mornin'."  
  
Akane grabbed his arm and tossed him over her shoulder and into the tree. "What do you think you're doing! You pervert!"  
  
Ranma poked his head out from the branches of the tree. "I was checkin' to see if you were really stupid enough to walk out of the house with no panties on!" Ranma shouted back.  
  
"What's this then?" Kuno said popping out of nowhere. Quickly scooping up Akane and holding her by the shoulders, Kuno looked at her with imploring eyes. "My love, you must think of your reputation. I know that your passion for me does not lend itself to be bound by mere cloth. I too, at times, feel the need to 'roam free' as it were…"  
  
Ranma fell from out of the tree due to the information overload and Akane became ill. Nabiki merely made a note to update the personal file on Kuno she kept.  
  
"…But you must be strong. Think of the scandal that this will cause," Kuno continued, slowly bending over in an attempt to see beneath Akane's skirt.  
  
Akane punted him several blocks away and then immediately regretted it. She ran in the direction of the school in order to put on a pair of gym shorts at the very least.  
  
"I have seen the Promised Land!" Kuno's voice was heard to say as it receded into the distance.  
  
Nabiki walked over to the floored Ranma who was still shaking at Kuno's revelation on underwear. "So you were with her all morning?"  
  
Ranma wasn't yet capable of human speech, so he nodded his head instead.  
  
"No one else was with you?"  
  
Though scarred for life, Ranma recovered enough to talk. "N… nobody. Just Me, Akane and Aya… wait! There was this guy who had a striking resemblance to one of those good weather charms, but he was a munchkin like the old lech."  
  
'Aya, huh. Well, this stalker is supposed to be a guy, but there are ways around that,' Nabiki brainstormed looking over at Ranma. 'It's an easy enough theory to prove or disprove… but where is the money angle,' she wondered. Saving that thought for later, Nabiki helped Ranma to his feet. "Anyway, you need to catch this guy. You have one week to do it in, or my business's reputation will be tarnished."  
  
"Yeah, so? Nothing to do with me," Ranma replied with disinterest and began walking towards the school.  
  
"You sure about that? Isn't it a martial artist's duty to protect the weak?" Nabiki asked.  
  
Ranma didn't answer and continued to walk towards the school.  
  
"Not at all worried about Akane's welfare?"  
  
Ranma paused.  
  
"Especially after what happened this morning? Not to mention what he did to Ukyou…"  
  
Ranma turned to look at Nabiki with a serious expression on his face. "Wha' happened to Ukyou?"  
  
Nabiki walked up to Ranma and then past him on her way into the school. "Go see for yourself," she called back to him. "She's locked herself in the nurse's office."  
  
  
  
*Knock* *Knock*  
  
"Hey Ucchan, ya' in there? Open the door."  
  
"G… go away," a muffled and strained voice answered back.  
  
'That was definitely Ukyou's voice,' Ranma realized. 'Plus, she don't sound too good.' He began pounding on the door. "Hey, you okay in there, Ukyou? You sound out of it."  
  
"Ra… Ranma?" Ukyou's voice cracked.  
  
"Yeah, open the door," Ranma said rattling the lock. "Nabiki said ya got attacked last night."  
  
"I'm fine! Go away!"  
  
"Ya don't sound fine! I'm comin' in!" Ranma warned before taking a step back.  
  
"D… don't come in here, Ranma? I… I can't… I can't," Ukyou's voice stuttered out.  
  
"I'm comin' in!" Ranma said before kicking the door open and off its hinges. Rushing into the room, Ranma scanned for Ukyou, but found nothing. The interior of the nurse's office was extremely dark, making it difficult to see. The lights were off, the window shades had all been pulled and the thermostat turned low.  
  
Something was seriously wrong here, but Ranma couldn't put a finger on what it was. Cautiously, he walked further into the room. He was becoming very concerned for Ukyou. Recalling the things Nabiki had said to the crowd in front of the school, dark thoughts began to enter into Ranma's head. Maybe Ukyou had been ra…  
  
Unable to complete the thought, Ranma clenched his fists. If that was the case, he'd beat the sh….  
  
The sound of something metal being dragged across the floor broke Ranma from his threat. Turning in the direction of the door, he saw that the entrance had been blocked by a large filing cabinet. He also saw a shaking and profusely sweating Ukyou leaning against the side of the cabinet. When her body slumped to the floor, Ranma rushed over to her.  
  
Kneeling in front of her and resting his hands reassuringly on her shoulders, he vowed to get whomever it was who did this to Ukyou. "It's okay, Ucchan. I'm here for ya' now."  
  
Gradually, Ukyou raised her head. Her faced was flushed and sweat had matted a great deal of her hair to her face. Her eyes were tightly closed as if fighting off an intense pain.  
  
"Ra… Ranma…" Ukyou shook.  
  
"Ya' Ucchan?"  
  
Slowly, Ukyou's eyes opened and a rather lecherous smile spread across her face. Ranma instinctively got the impression that he was a mouse looking into the eyes of a very hungry cat. "I warned you not to come in here…"  
  



	3. The Beginning of a Chinese Ghost Story

Putting On Heirs A Urusei Yatsura, Ranma ½ Fanfiction 

Disclaimer: The characters of Urusei Yatsura and Ranma ½ are the creation of Rumiko Takahashi and are used without permission.

_Love_ means to love that which is unlovable; or it is no virtue at all.

 ~ Gilbert K. Chesterton ~ 

Part III: 

The Beginning of a Chinese Ghost Story

The sound of something metal being dragged across the floor broke Ranma from his threat. Turning in the direction of the door, he saw that the entrance had been blocked by a large filing cabinet. He also saw a shaking and profusely sweating Ukyou leaning against the side of the cabinet. When her body slumped to the floor, Ranma rushed over to her.

Kneeling in front of her and resting his hands reassuringly on her shoulders, he vowed to get whomever it was who did this to Ukyou. "It's okay, Ucchan. I'm here for ya' now."

Gradually, Ukyou raised her head. Her faced was flushed and sweat had matted a great deal of her hair to her face. Her eyes were tightly closed as if fighting off an intense pain. 

"Ra… Ranma…" Ukyou shook.

"Ya' Ucchan?"

Slowly, Ukyou's eyes opened and a rather lecherous smile spread across her face. Ranma instinctively got the impression that he was a mouse looking into the eyes of a very hungry cat. "I warned you not to come in here…" 

It was a truly pitiable scene. Nodoka Saotome shook her had sadly and tried to console the weeping Akane. To think she had finally, after all these years, found her son. What a disappointment. 

Shampoo and Kodachi just looked on in disgust. Both were certain they would have killed him too.

"Please, Ma'am, We're very sorry about your son, but we need you to clear the area," the police officer said calmly.

Nodoka nodded and with a last look back at her nude son and the crying nude Ukyou, she left the now crowded nurse's office.

As a photographer continued to take photographs of the corpse of Ranma Saotome for the evenings news, the coroner walked over to the lead officer at the crime scene. "It's just a preliminary guess right now, but I would say it was congenital heart disease."

The officer nodded in understanding. "Died in the middle of it, huh?"

"Yeah, I hear his fiancée walked in on the two of them and he just keeled over." The coroner shook his head. "Can you think of anything more embarrassing than that?"

"Nope," the officer agreed.

'And that's what will happen if you don't stop this!' the reasonable voice inside Ranma's head that kept in him chaste and alive warned.

'Why are you always so pessimistic? It doesn't have happen like that…' an opposing voice began. This was the voice Ranma listened to in battle, the instinct that drove him to conquer and dominate. 

"Ra… Ranma…" Ukyou shook.

"Ya' Ucchan?"

Slowly, Ukyou's eyes opened and a rather lecherous smile spread across her face. Ranma instinctively got the impression that he was a mouse looking into the eyes of a very hungry cat. "I warned you not to come in here…" 

"SIX TIMES! Oh… Oh… Ranma, you STALLION, you!" and with that Ukyou's nude form collapsed unconscious.

'Now maybe she'll leave me alone,' Ranma thought, getting ready to put his pant's back on. He didn't get the chance however as both Shampoo and Kodachi crashed through the shaded windows of the darkened nurse's office.

"Ranma! What you do with Spatula girl! You Shampoo's husband!" the Amazon said and took a menacing step towards Ranma.

"I think not, harridan. Ranma's intended is none other than I, Kodachi Kuno."

"What you talking! Ranma is Shampoo's!" Shampoo yelled and leaped at the leotard dressed Kuno. The two crashed into a shelf, forcing a can of baby oil to fall and spill all over them. As the two continued to wrestle, the sound of clothing being torn soon filled the room and before long, both were nude their bodies glistening and slicker than a room full of politicians.

A part of Ranma wanted to stay and enjoy the show, but a much larger part wanted to flee before 'you know who' showed up. Unfortunately, the thought came to him too late.

"RAAAANMAAAA!" 

Slowly, Ranma's head turned toward the large filing cabinet Ukyou had placed in front of the room's lone door.

"Akane… Akane, um…"

Before he could say any more, the filing cabinet flew from in front of the door, leaving Akane silhouetted in the door way. Without further word, Akane walked in to the office and looked around. Her gaze moved from the naked oil wrestling of Shampoo and Kodachi, to the sleeping nude form of Ukyou before settling on Ranma. 

"I… I can ex… explain," Ranma stuttered.

Akane just glared at him. Ranma just knew he was a dead man. That was… until Akane ripped off her school uniform with a simple tug of her hand, revealing a black negligee.

'…'

'What?' Ranma instinctive voice wanted to know.

'…'

"What! It could happen!'

'…'

'Hey! An inner voice can dream can it.' Reason was never any fun.

"Ra… Ranma…" Ukyou shook.

It's strange… the thoughts that pass through a man's mind when a woman sticks her tongue in his ear.

Ranma's eyes snapped open and he ripped himself from Ukyou's hold. After countless battles and attacks, someone had finally found his weakness, one he didn't even know he had. Luckily, none of his opponents had ever thought to stick their tongue in his ear. Frantically, he looked about the room for an exit. The only ways out were the door and…

Ukyou followed Ranma's gaze to the windows that lined the opposing wall. 'Oh, no, you don't,' she thought. Ukyou had no idea where she was getting this burning desire from, but she liked where it was going. She licked the dryness from her lips and stood up.

Ranma looked over at Ukyou, who was doing her darnedest to look seductive. Unfortunately for her she didn't look nearly as alluring as the window Ranma made a mad dash for. Ukyou tried to cutoff his escape, but he was a little too quick for her. She did manage to grab hold of his shirt, which ripped off as he leapt from the second story window.

Ranma ventured a look back up to the window of the nurse's office. In the window frame, Ukyou pouted down at him, but appeared content to stay where she was. Ranma gave a sigh in relief and made his way to his morning classes or what was left of them. Idly, he wondered what could have gotten into Ukyou's head. He knew he was a stud and all, but Ukyou usually had some measure of control. He also wondered if Akane was the kind of girl who would stick her tongue in his ear, nah, not that uncute tomboy.

Soun looked over at Genma, who nodded his head in acknowledgement. The two men stealthily approached the door to the room. When a floorboard creaked under the men's weight, both froze, Soun's grip around his sword tightened and Genma clenched his fists. Having waited a moment or two without sign that their quarry had sensed them, the two fathers' posture relaxed for second before returning to their offensive stances. Pressing themselves against the wall on each side of the bedroom door, Genma reached out for the doorknob and slowly turned it. 

As the door quietly creaked open, Soun peered inside. Their target was sitting with his back to the door. It was now or never.

"Guide my blade," Soun intoned to himself. "As it seeks to vanquish this evil from our home," He finished and lifted the sword over his head, preparing to charge. 

"Amen to that, Tendo," Genma added. "On three…" Genma held up three fingers.

'One…' They counted to themselves. Genma dropped a finger.

'…Two…' The figure in the room continued about his business, oblivious to his impending demise.

'…THREE!' Genma dropped the third finger and he and Soun burst into the room with all the agility and speed they could muster. Soun's blade came down swiftly and forcefully, while Genma delivered a blow that few on the planet would have survived. Regrettably, the sack of lingerie just refused to die. The two men had little time to reflect on where their target disappeared to before they themselves were brought down by a crushing blow from above. Someone had dropped a coffee table on their heads.

"You boys better pray that you didn't harm one of my silky dar…" Happosai caught himself. "…treasures."

Before Happosai could speak another word, Genma was ironing the wrinkles out Happosai's collection and Soun was gently massaging the aged martial artist master's shoulders.

"That's more like it," Happosai commented before taking a draw from his pipe. "You boys need a lot of work, trying to take me on with such a lame maneuver."

Both Soun and Genma stiffened.

"Ah… Master… You've got it all wrong. We weren't attacking you… it was…"

"…It was a mouse!"

"Ah… good one, Saotome! Yes, we saw a mouse."

"Whatever," Happosai sighed and took another puff from his pipe. Savoring the taste of the cherry tobacco as it wafted its way down his throat, Happosai removed the pipe from his mouth and looked at the old knotted wood. It seemed like ages since he last enjoyed a good smoke. His granddaughter would stop him whenever he tried to in her presence. He smiled at the thought of her. It was a very strange feeling for him.

"This… 'Granddaughter' of yours," Soun began, the memory of Natsumi and Kurumi coming to the fore in his mind. Happosai couldn't have actually ever really conceived a child. The very thought was… disturbing.

Startled out of his thoughts, Happosai went on the defensive, which to him was a strong offense. "What about her?" he said in menacing tone and craned his neck to glare at Soun.

"…Is very lovely. Yes, very lovely," Soun said quickly through a fear filled smile. Soun continued his massage.  "She has been trained in the Art." It was a statement, not a question.

Happosai took a moment to think of a proper response. He took another puff from his pipe and slowly exhaled before answering. "Although she has the aptitude, she lacks the concentration necessary for the more complex kata's and forms. Stringing together attacks is not something she does well," Happosai said thoughtfully. 'She's always getting distracted.'

"A disappointment then," Genma commented holding up a freshly pressed black negligee for his master's inspection.

"Hardly," Happosai answered harshly back. "And watch where you put those creases! While not a 'brawler', she has put together a kind of 'Hit and Run Rope a Dope' style," he finished with a smile.

The people cowered in the alleyways, the storefronts and anywhere they could find shelter. It had been a peaceful and quiet six months, but the constant din of small explosives and the showering rain of shattered glass heralded the end of the "Pax ~ Tomobiki". 

"They" had returned…

…And all Hell followed with them.

"Founding School of Anything Goes Martial Arts! Happo-Fire-Burst!" The strange girl shouted, reaching into her backpack and pulling out small bombs with the fuses somehow already lit. She threw them, one after another, at the miniature monk, who was running after her.

Cherry hopped over one explosion and then ran up the side of a wall to avoid the next. "This is no way to treat the aged of Japan, young man," Cherry chastised.

Aya watched as Cherry easily dodged everything she threw at him with his palms clasped together in that annoying religious pose of his. "You FREAK! Why won't you leave me alone!" Aya checked her watch. She was *really* late for her first day at St. Hebreke now. She had to end this.

As the smoke from the bombs cleared, Cherry stood in front of Aya shaking his head disapprovingly.  "As a man who has dedicated himself to the elimination of evil, it is my duty to follow you and minimize the evil you emanate. Dark spirits are attracted to your iniquitous nature. You should be grateful I take such interest in…"

"Cherry, say 'Ahh'." Aya was holding up a nice ripe melon. 

"Ahh" Cherry enthused, saliva running unchecked down the sides of his mouth.

Aya tossed the melon in to the air and followed its trajectory down to Cherry's mouth who snapped it up, not noticing the lighted fuse protruding from it. As it disappeared down his throat, Aya stuck her fingers in her ears and ducked.

Shinobu, carrying Ten and followed by the normal hangers-on finally caught up to Lum, who had paused in the middle of the street. Shinobu looked worriedly at the harried looking oni as she floated in the air peering down the road. The past six months had been hard on Lum, very hard. 

Very few people believed Ten's story of what happened the night Ataru disappeared. Even Shinobu admitted to herself that the scene of a gang of pirates abducting Ataru despite Ten's attempts to stop them was pretty ridiculous. Most people thought Ataru had simply tired of the domineering Lum interfering with his girl chasing and followed some pretty young thing to who knows where. Shinobu knew better though. 

Even if Ten was lying, Ataru wouldn't have stayed away this long of his own volition. Despite what some might think, Shinobu knew that there was very little that could keep Lum and Ataru apart. Shinobu knew, because for a time, she had spent her very all trying to do just that. Nothing or no one could come between those two. It seemed that she and Lum were the only ones to understand that fundamental truth. The rumors were constant and Shinobu was concerned that the alien had finally lost her hold. Cautiously she approached Lum to ask her what had her acting so strange. Ran beat her to the punch, however.

"Oh no! Lum has finally gone insane from her Darling dumping her just like she dumped poor Rei. Isn't it terrible? *snicker*"

Lum didn't answer, but paused in the middle of the street and quickly rose in the air. Squinting her eyes, she tried to focus on something in the distance, there was a plume of smoke billowing up into the air several blocks away.  
  
"What's wrong Lum," Shinobu asked again.  
  
Suddenly, Lum broke out in a huge smile, her first smile in six months  
and quickly flew in the direction of the plume of smoke.  
  
The others again took up pursuit, following as best they could. There were people running in the opposite direction, making it difficult to follow the flying oni.

Mendou stopped one of the panicking citizens. "What's going?" An explosion rocked the area and both men hit the ground. 

"It's him… IT'S HIM!" The man screamed. He shook off Mendou's hand and resumed his running for dear life.

"Who is it?" Ran asked fearing the answer. She much more preferred the depressed Lum who needed a best friend such as herself over the always disgustingly happy Lum who just needed her Darling.

No one in the crowd would answer, as they were too busy fleeing for safety. 

Lum had paused when she heard the man speak Few people in Tomobiki could "inspire" people the way her Darling could. Streams of arcing blue began to stream across her body. It had to be him! 

"You don't think…" Shinobu ventured.

"…The idiot…" Ten continued.

A last explosion boomed from about two blocks a head of the group and all final doubt was removed from their minds by the sound that followed next. It started out as a soft giggle before swiftly becoming a bellowing laugh. 

"DARLING! " "ATARU!" Both Lum and Shinobu shouted. Lum couldn't contain her glee any longer. She brought her arms close to her chest and began to shake with excitement, sparks dancing about her.  Everyone around her had to duck as stray arcs of electricity sought the nearest metal object. "DAHHHLIING!" She raved and was off like a shot down the street. She had saved up a lot of "love" for her Darling and she was aching to unleash it.

Jariten quickly wiped away a stray tear before anyone could notice as Shinobu ran down the street as well, carrying him in her arms. He would fry that idiot good for abandoning his family like that and making Lum cry. Not that Jariten had missed that numbskull. Ten vowed never to let the moron out of his sight again. "It's gonna cost you a truckload of chocolate to get back on my good side!" Ten promised, happier than he been in a long time.

Mendou unsheathed his sword and smiled. At last it was time to prove once and for all who the better man was. The scion of the richest family in all Japan would put the upstart in his place and punish him for causing Lum such pain. "MOROBOSHI! I will cut you in twain for your transgressions against Miss Lum! Prepare yourself!"  And he too ran off down the street.

"Shit." Ran proceeded at a far more sedate pace. That jerk would have to come back just when, for once in her life, Ran was enjoying the tables being turned on Lum. Well, it was nice while it lasted in any case.

Reaching the outskirts of the city and a small woodland park, the young Amazon took a quick break. She found an out the way spot amongst some trees that allowed her the privacy to check the dressing on her wounds. She had badly burned herself against the machinery in the boiler room of the ship she used to cross the sea over from China. The burn had scalded both her right arm and her lower back, not to mention ruining the little clothing she had brought with her.

She cursed at her weakness as she winced removing the bandage that stuck to her burnt flesh. What kind of Amazon flinched at so little? But the tears came despite her best efforts to stop them. After futile attempts to wipe them away, she gave up trying and continued to rip what remained of the cloth of her right pant's leg for bandaging. 

Finished with her task, the thirteen-year-old Amazon leaned back on to the soft green grass and stared up at the fluffy white clouds silhouetted against a brilliant blue sky.  It was a perfect spring day. She should be practicing her kicks and strengthening her legs. She closed her eyes and could see the old knotted tree she used as sparing partner. Her friends… her sisters… her mother, all that was gone now. She sniffled as the weariness of her journey slowly began to fall on her, increasingly weighing down her eyelids like snow on the limbs of a tree. Sleep had not been her friend of late and now was not to be any different. 

Mi skipped her way back to her family's small hut. She had nearly split that tree… well… she put a fair size crack in it anyway. A few more practice sessions and she will have mastered her form. Then she could concentrate in putting power behind it and that old tree would really be in trouble. She giggled and twirled in the air. Mi couldn't wait to tell her mother. She would be so proud.

So lost in her daydream, she didn't notice the dark fog that was beginning to envelope the outside of the Amazon village or the eerie quiet that permeated the air. Her family's hut was just inside the gate and she ran straight for the door. She was already late for her chores, not to mention dinner.

"Mother," Mi shouted bursting through the door. "Look!" She said executing a graceful kick followed by another. "I mastered…" Mi began, but never finished. Food had been placed on the table. The fire was slowly beginning to flicker out and the sparse furniture in the room was strewn about. "Mother?" Mi called out, but there was no reply. Her mother was nowhere to be found. It was then that she noticed it, the near silence surrounding her.

There should be battle cries and laughter. The gossip of the day being spread… the noise of a village full of people… but there was none of that. Despite how carefully she listened… there was nothing. 

No… someone was softly giggling. Cautiously, she walked out of her home and for the first time noticed the state of her village. A sickly green fog was creeping its way through the village, seeming to move where it willed no matter which direction the brisk winter wind blew. Stars were beginning to poke their way through night's veil and ghostly blue flames wafted through the air.

Mi inched her way to the center of the village, avoiding the pale fog and the small balls of fire. She wasn't scared. She was an Amazon from a proud and strong family. Something like this shouldn't scare her. Having steeled her courage, she continued through the deserted village to the old well at its center. 

The green fog surrounded the well and the ground and houses in the area were a washed in bright blue flames. She paused. The soft giggling was louder now and was coming from the direction of the well.  Through the haze of the fog Mi could only make out the vague outline of two people sitting on the stone well. 

"Hmmhmmhmhm," one of the two figures giggled. "Oh… looks like we missed one," a woman's voice came through the fog. As if by her will the fog parted and Mi could see just one young woman, in her early twenties or late teens. 

'Where had the second one gone?' Mi wondered. 'I must have… I must have imagined her. '

Mi continued her slow place to the woman sitting on the well. She had relaxed a bit at finally finding a fellow sister of the village, but as Mi got closer her apprehension was quickly building. The girl before her had hair the color of jet tied into two ponytails with strangely colored thread and eyes whose color perfectly matched the unearthly blue flames that danced about the village. About her was a pile of clothing from the village that the strange woman must have collected as Mi recognized some it. The woman herself was wearing a tattered red short sleeve shirt and a pair of tight fitting black pants with red embroidery running down the legs` that looked a lot like a pair Mi's friend enjoyed wearing.

The woman put a hand to her lips in attempt to calm her giggling.  "You look like you've seen a ghost. Hahahaha" She got out before breaking out in a fit of uncontrollable laughter.

Mi woke in start. She rubbed her eyes and picked herself up from where she lay, not feeling very rested. It was the same nightmare that haunted her every night. At least she had woken up in the middle of it this time. Grabbing her few belongings and giving a final check to her bandages, Mi headed into the city and began her final trek to the Cat Café.

It looked like a war zone.

Store windows were shattered. People were crying in the streets, praying to any gods that would listen. Small fires were still smoldering and the streets were heavily cracked.

It had Ataru Moroboshi all over it.

Lum was the first to arrive on the scene. She quickly scanned the area for any sign of her Darling. In the center of the road, was a large crater with dark smoke emanating. A small child, about five or six year of age, with blonde hair crouched, peering into the rising smoke. 

"You really should leave her alone," the small child said in Chinese in the direction of the bottom of the hole. Taking small steps Lum approached the little girl. "You've already lost our bet. You just haven't realized…" the child broke off as she heard Lum approach. Turning to face the older girl, the small child just stared… there was something about her… something very familiar.

'Where have I seen her before?' the little girl wondered very concerned. The little girl turned back to the center of the crater as if she expected to find the answer there.

"Excuse me," Lum began to the little girl, Shinobu and the others finally arriving on scene. "Have you seen a young man, boyish looking, about my age? About this tall?" Lum approximated Ataru's height with her hand. "…With bushy brown hair?" Lum asked eagerly.

The little girl didn't answer, not understanding the questions and still openly staring at the oni. She just *knew* she had seen her someplace before… but where? 

"Lum, where is Moroboshi?" Mendou asked, bursting into the halted conversation, his sword hand itching to cut the accursed Moroboshi down. 

Lum continued to look at the little girl, waiting for her to answer. The child looked silently back. Everyone else surrounded the pair, save Mendou who began to search the neighboring debris. Moroboshi was probably cowering behind some rock.

"Uhhh…" a moan came from the smoldering crater, drawing everyone's attention but the little girl's.

"Ataru?" Shinobu asked out loud, holding Ten close to her.

"Ah! Dahling!" Lum yelled, about to pounce on him with a fifty thousand volt hug. Mendou, however, was not about to allow such a thing. The time had come to punish the lout for his transgressions. 

"Moroboshi!" Mendou shouted, leaping into the air, his sword held high above his head. "Die!" He swooped down into the smoke ladened hole, before Lum could reach her Darling, his sword arcing down in a flash of steel. "Hmmhmm," Mendou snickered, finishing his cut and returning his sword to its sheath. "Rest in Hell, Moroboshi," Mendou intoned, turning to face the twin halves of Moroboshi.

Ran clasped her hands and hoped. 

Mendou's stroke was true and surely would have cut Ataru in half, but as the smoke cleared everyone's hopes were dashed, almost. Mendou's hopes of finally besting Moroboshi were again but a dream. His aim was perfect for Moroboshi, but way off for Cherry.

The only one, whose smile was threatening to spit her face that was happy, was Ran. The bubbling alien caught Lum, her bestest friend, as she slumped to the ground crying into her hands.

"Cherry!" Shinobu shouted, dropping Ten and violently gripping the small monk. "Where have you been? Do you know where Ataru is?" Shinobu asked fiercely shaking Cherry to and fro. 

The small girl, forgotten in the commotion, recognized the name, Ataru, though the rest of conversation was lost to her. She put a finger to her mouth in deep thought, before her eyes rolled up to the back of her head and she collapsed to the ground.

Oh… she was *so* bored.

Nothing had happened for *months*! 

Her brother was happy.

Her Ton-chan was in hiding somewhere.

Not even Moroboshi had come by to play with her.

She sighed, causing her fellow students in the classroom with her to visibly shake with fear. Even the teacher cowered behind her desk, drenched in sweat. 

Propping her head up with one hand, her eyes roamed about the room, looking for someone… *anyone* to allay her boredom. Her gaze stopped on the student nearest the door. A tough looking woman, with closely cropped dark brown hair, who was known through out St. Hebreke as the leader of "Girls who like it rough and eat glass" street gang. 

'Maybe…' she thought, staring at the gang leader.

"No… No… Please, God! No," the normally proud gang leader wailed. She sunk down in her chair and on to the floor, shaking her head and crying uncontrollably.

'And maybe not.' That was entirely too easy for her to get much enjoyment out of it. Again, her eyes roamed the room, pausing on a girl who was actually smiling confidently back at her. She smiled all the way to the third story window, where she leapt straight through the glass.

Ryoko Mendou smiled. 

Everyone in the class visibly relaxed. The teacher, glad that the tension had finally broke, turned her attention to the chalkboard and began the day's lesson.  She got as about as far writing "page 56" on the board before she heard the most horrific sound, and the chalk dropped from her hand's in terror.

*SIGH* That little display had been far too fleeting to amuse Ryoko. Maybe if they all jumped the window she mused to herself. These people were *so* boring. She missed her Ton-chan. She missed Master Moroboshi. They knew how to have fun! She stood and everyone else in the classroom hit the floor, knowing they were doomed. 

"Somebody! Anybody!" She implored.

Just then, outside the classroom door, a joyous voice came resonating through halls. "Ding Dong, the monk is DEAD!  Yes, I've finally rid myself of that annoying Cherry!" The door burst open and Aya triumphantly walked into the room.

On the floor, behind her desk, the teacher called out. "Class, we have a new student, starting today. This is Aya Tendo. Miss. Tendo, you're two hours late."

"What of it?" Aya replied, scanning the classroom for an open seat. 

"The seat next to me is open?" Ryoko, still standing, offered with a bright smile and graciously pointed to the occupied seat to her left. 

Aya looked to the scared girl, crouched in her chair and was about to point out that someone was already there, when two men dressed entirely in black appeared on either side of the cowering girl. They picked her up and carried her to the back of the room. Another two kuroko appeared at Aya's sides and lifted her up by the arms. 

"Excuse us, this way please," the said politely and carried Aya to her desk next to their mistress Ryoko. The four kuroko then bowed before the two women and quickly vanished from the room. 

Ryoko turned to the girl with the sandalwood hair, a child's face and curious expression. "My name is Ryoko Mendo. Let's be friends," she finished with a bow. Ryoko knew fun when she saw it. 

Aya just blinked at her in response. The rest of the class sympathized for the Ryoko's new toy.


	4. Ranma, the Hunted

Putting on Heirs 

Disclaimer: The characters of Ranma ½ and Urusei Yatsura belong to Rumiko Takahashi. They are used without permission.

_Love_ means to love that which is unlovable; or it is no virtue at all.

 ~ Gilbert K. Chesterton ~ 

Part IV: Ranma, the hunted.

Warning: Sexual Situations… but not quite a lemon 

It was a darkened hall filled with the loud murmuring of a crowd of anxious followers waiting patiently. Finally the huge doors to the room opened and she walked into the great hall. The murmuring ceased and all eyes watched her as she entered the room. 

A soft spotlight split the darkness and illuminated her, basking her form in a warm glow. She was a tall woman, close to six feet in height. Her head was shorn save for a long golden braid on the crown of her head that reached down across her square shoulders, past her hourglass waist and thighs and brushed against her shapely calves as she walked. She wore no make up, as she had no need. Her lips were a natural strawberry red, her cheeks blessed with an innate blush, framed perfectly by the golden hue of her skin. To put it simply she was stunningly beautiful.

And was it mentioned she was nekkid. 

Well, not exactly naked. She bore about her shoulders a sheer white shawl clasped in front by a platinum thread just above her supple breasts, but it concealed nothing and was little more than window dressing. Reaching the center of the hall, she ascended the small summit of steps to a chair like throne. She sat down with a grace that left her audience in awe.

Out of the black, a servant, who was entirely naked, stepped forward and bowed lowed to her, extending a goblet of a sweet red colored alcohol. She accepted it with a kiss to the servant's hand that caused a shiver to run through the young man. She wetted her lips with the drink, a small rivulet of red running down her cheek and neck and disappearing in the valley of her breast. She placed the goblet down and spoke.

"Am I the prettiest?" 

"Sure 'nuff!" Her followers shouted enthusiastically.

"Am I the sexiest?"

"Sure 'nuff!" They howled.

"Am I the baddest mo' fo' lo' do~own around this crown?"

"SURE 'NUFF!" They screamed.

The queen nodded, confidently. "And am I the most salacious, licentious, lascivious, libidinous creature alive?" She already knew the answer to all these questions but she never tired of hearing the response. She waited for their thunderous reply.

And waited…

…And waited.

She began to tap impatiently on the chair's armrest. 'Well? The answer is easy enough! Why don't they answer!'

There was disconcerted whispering in the crowd as everyone present debated amongst themselves how best to answer.

"Well! Am I the most lecherous or not!" She said and imperiously stood, tired of the delay.

All became quiet, until a small voice way way way in the back called out timidly, "Uh… No."

"WHAT!!!" 

A second spotlight was activated directly over the young woman, who spoke (she was naked too, by the way). "According to a recent check on the Galaxy Computer mainframe… an Earthling now holds that particular title; because of the rules of the Communion, we feared telling you…"

The Queen shook with rage… and fear.

"I… I… invoke the Sacred Challenge! Prepare the ship! We're going to this Earth!"

Ryoko Mendou stood and clapped loudly as the third teacher of the day broke down in a fit of tears and ran out of the classroom. Finally, someone had come to end the monotonous boredom of the past six months. 

This Aya person was just as entertaining as Master Moroboshi, although not quite to the level of her Tomibaro, but beggars can't be choosers. "Well, Ms. Tendou, what do you have planned next?"

Aya dropped down from where she was hanging upside down on one of the ceiling's light fixtures and made a three-point landing on one of the student's desk. "I have a question…" Aya began her query unmoving from the crouched position of her landing, her eyes closed. "…Are the any men at this school at all?"

Ryoko blinked in thought, "Hmm… There is the school principal, of course, and Mr. Chiro."  

The entire class held their stomachs to keep from retching. 

Aya sighed. "Any men under forty?"

"Not that I recall," Ryoko answered. "In truth, this place can be quite mind-numbing. I usually seek my amusement elsewhere or have it shipped in," Ryoko finished with a bemused smile.

Aya looked at her sidelong, wondering just what this strange girl meant by that, before dismissing the whole thing. She didn't know how she would last the rest of the day at this school never mind an entire school year. She stood and began to walk towards the door. Unfortunately, she forgot she was standing on a desk and fell awkwardly to the floor, causing Ryoko to giggle. 'So much like Master Moroboshi, I must introduce these two. Whenever, Moroboshi comes back from his travels that is.'

By the time Ryoko had finished that thought, Aya was nowhere in sight. Ryoko made a quick visual search of the classroom before clasping her hands in front of her. "Kuroko…"

Two of her personal guard appeared from out of nowhere and bowed low in front of her. Ryoko pointed toward the open classroom door. "Follow her," she said simply, and the two disappeared.

"Hurry up, stupid Mousse! Is almost lunchtime. Shampoo need take Husband ramen!" She smacked him in the back of the head with a wok to encourage his haste.

"Shampoo," he pleaded. "Why don't you forget that loser! He'll never love you the way I do." He tossed the ladle he was using to strain the noodles aside and rushed toward his one and only love. "Shampoo! Let me show you my love. Come to me!"

Shampoo ignored the visually challenged boy as he sprinted away from her and out the open door of the restaurant. Shaking her head in disgust, she took his place at the stove and finished preparing a serving of the House's special ramen to take to Ranma. She had just removed her apron and was placing the bowl of ramen in her delivery box when a weak scream came from the direction Mousse had gone.

When Cologne hopped in from the rear of the restaurant, she found Mousse flanked by Shampoo carrying an unconscious young girl inside.

"Hoho, what's this you two have found?" Cologne queried pogo-ing next to the pair as they laid the girl down on an empty tabletop. 

"I mistook her for Shampoo and accidentally knocked her down." 

"Hmm… seems she has had quite a rough journey," Cologne concluded from the girl's injuries and ragged appearance. 

"I… I think I recognize her," Shampoo ventured in her native tongue. "I remember seeing her around the village." She looked back and forth between her great grandmother and Mousse as if seeking confirmation.

"You mean she's from home?" Mousse shook his head. "She is unfamiliar to me." His glance moved to Shampoo and lingered there. "But then I only have eyes for Shampoo."

Cologne rapped him on the head for the comment. "Now is not the time for your mooning. Her name is Tsu Mi. She is the youngest daughter of Tsu Yu, a strong family. But what is she doing here?" Cologne wondered aloud. 

At the mention of her mother's name, Mi began to stir. Slowly her eyelids opened. She immediately recognized Shampoo. Mi quickly sat up reaching out for Shampoo's hand. Though mentally excited at finally reaching her destination, her body was still weary.  Mi was able to clasp Shampoo's hand and in a weakened and exhausted voice say, "Vil… village… mon… monster," before sleep claimed her once more.

The three remaining conscious people in the room stared at one another dumbfounded. 

"A monster?" Mousse said incredulously. "What could she be talking about?"

"Great-Grandmother?" 

Cologne took a deep breath, before retrieving her pipe from within her garments. "While rare, I suppose it is possible, even in this day and age. Still the village is strong enough to handle a monster or two."  She lit the pipe and took a deep draw. "Shampoo, get her cleaned up. Mousse, prepare the spare storage room for her to rest." Having said that Cologne hopped into the kitchen to prepare for the midday rush.

"Please! Be reasonable!" 

"You can't leave!"

Lum ignored their please and continued her dispirited journey toward the Moroboshi home to gather her belongings there. Tomobiki had far too many memories for her to stay. This morning's incident was the final straw. Lum had to go away for a while, but if it took the remainder of her life she would find her Darling…

'And when I do finally find you again, Darling…' 

Lum's body became rigid and her frame shook with power and rage about to be released. It was more than enough of a hint for those in her entourage to give her a wide berth. They scattered in every direction, hiding behind whatever cover they could find. 

Lum pushed the surge and emotions down. She had waited this long, she could wait a bit longer. The better the lesson in the end for her Darling. He would never even consider leaving her side again after she presented him with the culmination of six months of loneliness. 

Shinobu and the others watched with relief as the sparks died down and Lum regained control of the electricity she had been hording ever since Ataru had disappeared. They quickly came out of their hiding places and soon resumed the task of persuading the depressed oni to stay in Tomobiki.

"Go left," Cherry suggested to the group, interrupting their conversation.

Mendou pulled on the dog leash they were using to keep the monk in tow and away from food vendors. "The Moroboshi household is in the opposite direction. Why should we go this way?"

"Something ominous will happen if you don't go left." Cherry said nothing further. Mendou again pulled on his chain causing the monk to whimper like an abused puppy, but he still said nothing more of why they should take his hint.

Shinobu, as always of late carrying Ten in her arms, came up to Cherry and knelt down so that they were eye to eye. "Cherry," Shinobu began gently. "You still haven't told us where you've been these last few months. Was Ataru with you? Do you know what happened to him? Do you know where he is?"

Cherry's gaze moved from the imploring eyes of Shinobu to Jariten, who tried to look disinterested. Next they moved to Mendou, who glared back at him. 

"What about you? Wouldn't you prefer that Ataru not return?" Cherry directed at Mendou. "Now you don't have to worry about him besting you." Mendou turned away from Cherry's stare, even so Cherry continued. "There is no one to remind you of your defeats and inadequacies." Cherry maneuvered himself so that he was once again in Mendou's face. "No one stands between you and Lum. Isn't your life infinitely better now that he is gone?" Cherry narrowed his eyes, waiting for his answer.

Mendou tried to out stare the monk but failed, he turned away again in disgust. "Yes, I want him to return! So I can once and for all prove who is the better man and slay him. Until I see him buried, I will not allow him to run from our sacred man to man duel."

Cherry chuckled at the 'man to man' part. "I think you're lying to yourself," he concluded, walking away. "AaaacK" Cherry choked out the words as the chain around his neck pulled him back.

"If you know where he is…" Mendou threatened, drawing his sword.

"Cherry." Shinobu said.

"Where is the idiot?" Jariten demanded.

"And why would you want the return of an idiot?" Cherry asked Ten.

"Who says I want him back?" Ten countered.

"*I* don't want him back," Ran put in.

"I think it's best you don't know. He would only cause more trouble, especially the way he is now," Cherry concluded.

"The way he is now?" Shinobu asked.

Lum paused, she didn't turn around to look at Cherry or give any other indication that she was listening to the conversation other than to hold perfectly still. Cherry looked sympathetically at the poor girl.

Without a further word, Lum turned left, away from the path to the Moroboshi home. She would allow herself one more chance at hope. The second she had turned the corner she was bulled over by a teenage girl in a St. Hebreke uniform. Lum found herself looking into a pair of completely unfamiliar hazel eyes.

Aya held her head and her eyes closed in pain. "What are you doing standing in the middle of the sidewalk like a statue?" Aya asked, slowly propping herself up. When she opened her eyes and looked down on the person she had tripped over she stared in amazement.

"An oni…" Aya whispered aloud, but more to herself, not moving from a top the immobile Lum. The woman beneath her was unlike anyone Aya had seen before. She had green hair that reflected the sun's light like a prism, small horns on either side of her head and deep blue eyes. Although the girl was dressed rather shabbily and looked as though she had spent the last several nights crying, she was still quite beautiful. This was reason enough alone for Aya to hate her. But there was something else, something deeper that bothered Aya about this woman. 

"Ah… Could you…" Lum began to ask the St. Hebreke student to move so that she could stand up.

"Shhh…" Aya mouthed quietly. While still straddling the fallen oni, Aya, with one hand held Lum's right hand down to the ground, with the other she moved Lum's bangs from in front of her eyes. Gradually, almost imperceptibly, Aya's head descended towards Lum's. 

For her own part, Lum wasn't sure what was happening and would have electrocuted and kicked the strange girl off from on top of her, but something was stopping her from doing so, and she wasn't exactly sure what it was.

Part of it… part of it was a sadness, a feeling of remorse. Lum had no idea what was the source of the feeling, but it was definitely there. She had little time to ponder it though, as the thought was eclipsed by what she saw next. Lum even failed to notice Aya's face getting closer and closer to her own. Her attention was locked on Aya's eyes.

A light hazel to begin with, Aya's eye color was gradually becoming lighter, until they blended perfectly into the surrounding white. Color then started to return to her eyes, but instead of brown they were a pale, ghostly blue.

Just around the corner Mendou, Cherry, and Jariten were delayed by some strangeness of their own; Shinobu suddenly wasn't feeling very well. She leaned against a nearby wall for support.

"Shinobu, are you ok?" Ten asked, floating next to her shoulder and gently touching her forehead.

She looked at him, her eyes dilated and nodded her head, 'yes', before she passed out all together. Mendou was able to catch her before she hit the ground.

"Miss Shinobu! What's wrong?" Mendou asked with obvious concern, cradling her slumped form in his arms.

She gave no response.

Out of nowhere, Cherry appeared, sitting on Mendou's shoulder and peering down at the comatose Shinobu. "She is possessed," he chimed in a low serious voice.

Surprised by this, Mendou jumped a good five feet from the teleporting monk. "What are you talking about you malignant monk?" He began to carry the now semi-conscious Shinobu around the corner to where he expected Lum to be waiting. Ten floated just behind. "We'll take Shinobu to school to see Nurse Sakura," Mendou said to the group. The detour would also serve the dual purpose of delaying any decision Lum had of leaving. "Miss Lum, we need to take…" was all he said before dropping Shinobu like a rock. "WHAT in the WORLD do you think you're DOING!" he shouted through his shock at the light-haired woman who had Lum pinned.

From Mendou's point of view, it appeared the two were kissing. In truth, although their foreheads were touching their lips were inches apart.

Shinobu was forgotten like yesterday's breakfast as Mendou rushed over to the pair and yanked Aya off of Lum.

Finally, freed, Lum propped herself up on her elbows. Mendou kneeled at her side, holding her about the shoulders.

Aya just stood off to the side, staring down at the pair with a bemused look.

"Miss Lum, are you all right?" Mendou asked.

Still bewildered, Lum just nodded her head and stared up at the strange girl who had had her pinned to the ground. Mendou followed Lum's gaze to the smirking Aya.

"Now, Miss," Mendou began while helping Lum to her feet. "I know Miss Lum is very attractive, but it is wrong for you to accost her in such a manner. Women shouldn't behave that way towards other women and especially not in public places." Finally he turned to address Aya face to face. "Now, if you would like, I can teach you how to properly dat… date…"

Mendou lost his train of flirt as Aya began to stare at him. He was quite attractive and she considered herself a bit of a connoisseur, so her gaze was unyielding. Therein lied Mendou's dilemma. There were few people who could stomach looking into this girl's pale blue eyes for any amount of time. It wasn't that they were deformed in any way, although they did have a clouded hazed look to them, much like cataracts. They were just plain creepy. They were like the eyes of a dead person. Even when she was looking straight at you, you got the impression that she wasn't focusing on you. It made it difficult if not impossible to talk to her. When those eyes were staring at you, most people would begin to feel their skin crawl and nausea was known to result from prolonged exposure. 

She knew of only one person who could weather her gaze and that particular individual had dubious motives as far as she was concerned. As it was, Mendou was already beginning to feel his breakfast coming up for a return engagement. 

She half closed her eyes; her pallid irises hidden from view and took a step toward the stricken Mendou.

"We don't have time for that now, Jing," a voice said in a dialect of Chinese.

Lum, who was just now standing up, and Mendou who was cowering away from the blue-eyed stranger, turned toward the familiar sounding voice. 

Shinobu stood a few feet away, looking disapprovingly at Aya. She showed none of the illness that fell her just moments earlier. In response to the look, Aya just crossed her arms and stuck out her tongue. This drew a smile from Shinobu until she noticed Lum standing a few feet away. The smile faded from her face and her expression became thoughtful. This was the second time she had run into the beautiful oni and again she was struck with the notion that they had met much earlier.

Aya saw the change in Shinobu's expression and followed her stare. She was still looking at Lum. Aya's expression too became serious. She walked over and stood next to Shinobu. Both these strange girls began to visually examine the oni.

"You feel it too? Don't you?" Aya began in Chinese to Shinobu. Unnoticed by the pair, Cherry came over and stood next to them. "What is it about that one that bothers us so?"

Shinobu shook her head. She was about to verbalize her doubt when she noticed Cherry and his satisfied expression. 'What was he so happy about?' It was then that she recalled another piece of information from her previous encounter with the Tomobiki group. Though she understood little of their conversation in Japanese, she did remember their repeated use of the word, "Moroboshi". Shinobu gave a sidelong glance at Aya. 'Were these the people Cherry was relying on to steal Jing away?'

"Well," Aya began, switching back to Japanese and again walking up to Lum. "I'll figure you out sooner or later." Her eyes narrowed. "…And then I'll deal with you." She reached up with her right hand and lifted a few strands of the oni's iridescent hair, marveling at the way it reflected the light. "So pretty…" she mouthed quietly, again speaking Chinese. Finally, she gave the oni an enigmatic child-like grin, managing to blink her eyes without the aid of her eyelids. Lum's expression became even more perplexed at the display.

Behind them, Cherry's expression showed confusion. He hid the look quickly when he saw Shinobu turn to look in his direction. He realized he hadn't been quick enough when he saw her smile grow more sinister. She bent down to whisper into the small monk's ear. "Not the reaction you were expecting, is it?" 

Cherry said nothing. 

"You have no idea what is going on, do you, little man?"

Jariten looked at Shinobu worriedly, not understanding a word she just said or anything that was going on around him. "Shinobu, are you okay?" He asked, floating up to the young woman. She completely ignored him.

"And as for you…" Aya said, turning quickly on Mendou, who still stood by Lum's side and poked him in the chest with her finger. "Call me," she suggested with a crooked smile and a lick of her lips. Producing a small business card seemingly from thin air with a flick of her wrist, she placed it inside the neck of Mendou's shirt collar. "Anyway," Aya started stretching her long limbs above her head. "The hunt continues." She turned to face Cherry and Shinobu. Sprinting forward, Aya kicked Cherry into oncoming traffic and began to sprint in the opposite direction. After reaching the end of the block, she turned and yelled back to Shinobu in Chinese. "You coming or going?"

The remainder of the group watched as Shinobu waved at her friend and ran down the street after her.  

And as if things weren't strange enough, a pair of kuroko and a large circular shadow followed the two girls.

"What the heck was that about! And what's wrong with Shinobu?" Mendou wondered only slightly less confused than Jariten. "I honestly didn't know that Shinobu spoke Chinese so well!"

"Was that the language she was speaking?" Lum asked, finally talking again. Her voice sounded distant.

"I believe so," Mendou answered. "But I could understand little of what she said. Her dialect eluded me." He turned from looking in the direction Shinobu and Aya had left and faced Lum. "What are you going to do now?" he asked, fearing she still planned on leaving. Jariten too, looked at his cousin with concern.

Lum neither answered nor looked at them. Reaching out, she took the card Aya had left from out of Mendou's shirt. "Life is meant to be lived. Are you living yours or is someone else living it for you?" Lum read what else was written on the card. "Aya Tendou." Written next to her name were a cell phone number, a home number and a cartoon caricature of Aya. Tucking the card away in her bikini top, Lum followed in the direction Aya and Shinobu had gone.

There was something about that girl…

All was quiet on the Furinkin front, which on most days was a prelude to misadventure. Today was to be no different. 

Students were just beginning to file out of the school for the start of the lunch period. It was a time of day that could not have come soon enough for one Ranma Saotome, especially after the events of this morning. He and Akane soon found their usual lunch spot and sat down to eat the lunches that Kasumi had prepared for them.

"I wonder where Ukyou was this morning?" Akane asked before placing a clump of rice into her mouth.

Ranma stiffened slightly before relaxing in an attempt to answer. "Hmm… I don't know. Maybe she got sick or somethin'." At least something like that would explain her behavior this morning.

Akane looked at him accusingly out of the corner of her eyes. "Is that right? And why were you late for class this morning, Ranma? And what happened to your shirt?"

Ranma looked Akane straight in the eyes… and fudged around the truth. "When ain't I late for class?" he asked with a chopstick hanging from his mouth. "If it ain't Kuno buggin' me, it's Ryouga or Happosai or a thousand of other reasons!"

Akane wasn't appeased that easily. "Well, what reason was it this morn…"

"Akane!" A shout from one of her friends cut off Akane's query. She glared at Ranma briefly before going off to meet her friend.

Ranma sighed in relief, but his respite was short lived.

"So… Ranma, rumor has it that we scored with Ukyou in the nurse's office this morning," someone said placing an arm around Ranma's shoulder.

"What!" Ranma said incredulously and spun to see Hiroshi's lewd grin.

"No point in denying it. Three quarters of the school has already heard about it by now," another voice interjected and put a hand on Ranma's other shoulder. "What I want to know is… how were we?" Daisuke asked, his grin just as lecherous as his friends. 

"What are you two pervs talking about?" Ranma demanded to know. He was starting to get that sinking feeling as he watched an increasing crowd of male students gathering around him.

"Oh, come on, Ranma! It's bad enough that you got some of the best babes in all of Nerima wrapped around your little finger. The least you can do is let the rest of us poor slobs live vicariously through you!" There was a lot of heading nodding in the crowd at that sentiment. "But, anyway, back to business. Were we good?"

"Yeah," someone else in the crowd shouted out. "Did she scream our name?"

"Of course she did!" another proclaimed. "We're a martial artist! We can hit all the best position!"

"I can't believe we cheated on Akane!" A wail went out somewhere in the crowd. "Our own fiancée! Oh, the sin!"

"Bah! Ukyou's the cute one!"

"Don't listen to those prudes! We're young! We should play the field while there is a field to play and we got the equipment to play it! On to the next! It's all good!"

"No! We have to say true to Akane!"

"Screw Akane!"

"Yeah! Screw Akane next," a good portion of the crowd agreed.

"Be serious! We need to stop denying our one and only love, Shampoo!"

"Forget it! Kodachi all the way!"

"That psycho?"

"Wait, wait! Look at it this way. Crazy in the head… crazy in the bed! Lest us not forget, she's a gymnast too! That's like bonus points."

The crowd began to murmur as they considered the well-made argument.

"Hey! Maybe if we play our cards right, we can get Azusa too!"

"Are we, or are we not, Ranma Saotome? Azusa, Kasumi, Nabiki, Shampoo, Kodachi are all as good as laid! I, Ranma Saotome, guarantee it!" 

Ranma looked at the scrawny freshman, who made that proclamation and just shook his head, as everyone around him began to argue the attributes of their favorite. Why did everything in his life have to be so complicated? He started to walk off, he doubted he could get the crowd to see reason or convince them that nothing happened. Deciding to take the direct route, he leapt up and over the crowd. He had just reached the apex of his jump when a soccer ball struck the back of his head. He fell unceremoniously to the ground. 

A bellow rendered all the male students' arguing about who should be Ranma's next "conquest" moot. 

"RANMA!"

Ranma tepidly turned toward the shout. An enraged Akane was standing in front of what was a quite large group of female students, who no doubt, had told Akane the same nonsense the male students were bugging Ranma about.

By the look on her face, he would have to talk fast. 

"Um… what's up, Akane?"

"Ranma…" Akane began ominously and stalked over to stand in front of her pigtailed fiancé with her fist clenched. "Tell me again… How did you lose your shirt this morning?"

Ranma opened his mouth to speak, then thought better of it. 

"Well, Ranma?" 

Ranma scowled, she should know by now that these things weren't his fault. Trouble just seemed to fall in his lap. He decided to tell her as much, when trouble fell in to his lap.

Happosai bounded over to Ranma, using the male student's heads as stepping-stones. "Ranma! What's this I hear about you sleeping with Ukyou!" He demanded to know, landing on Ranma's back. "Way to go!" Happosai congratulated, patting him on the shoulder. "Finally, you're living up to the ideals of the Anything Goes School! EXCEPT! You should have let your Master know so he could have watched!"

"Wha' the heck are you talking about?" Ranma yelled, swirling around trying to dislodge the lech from his back.

"You got her panties, right?" Happosai asked starting to crawl around Ranma's body searching for the prize.

"Whoa! You got her panties too!" A shout came from the crowd of boys. 

"You little freak! I didn't do nothin'…." 

"RANMA"

All time stopped at that point for Ranma.  Unfortunately, time continued for Akane. It didn't help matters that the crowd of female students behind her was calling for his blood. Purposefully, she walked up to Ranma, her eyes never leaving his. A part of Ranma distractedly noted how attractive Akane looked when she was angry, despite the fact that he often said otherwise verbally. "Akane, don't tell me you believe this nonsense too? How dumb can you get?" 

And to that one part of Ranma Akane got even prettier. 

Her fist shook with pent up anger and frustration. Akane wanted to believe him. She really did, but Akane too had a part deep with in her that would note things. How Ukyou and Shampoo were cuter than her, better cooks than her, better martial artist than her, expressed their love better than her… Of course he would love Ukyou better than her. Insecurity pushed and drove Akane's anger to new heights as she reared back her fist. 

How far Ranma would have traveled on the force of Akane's blow would have to remain a mystery, as she never got the opportunity to throw it. A large explosion separated the two star-crossed teens and forced the large crowd of boy and girls apart.

"Say it isn't so, Ranma," a voice pleaded from the within the smoldering crater. "Although you probably did; men have no self control." The smoke cleared, leaving a pouting Aya and a girl few recognized. Aya leapt from the newly created hole and threw herself at Ranma's feet. "Now you have to let the rest of us have our turn," she cried wrapping her arms around Ranma's legs, begging shamelessly. "It wouldn't be fair otherwise. Isn't that right, Akane?"

The girl, who had arrived with Aya, folded her arms across her chest and nodded in agreement, while Akane looked flabbergasted. "Wha… what! I wouldn't let that pervert touch me! Ever!" In a huff she stormed off in the direction of the school building. A large majority of the girls followed her.

Forgotten, Happosai retreated to the outskirts of the crowd to watch the proceedings and his "great-granddaughter" from a distance.

Aya picked her head up from where it lay against Ranma's knee long enough to see Akane's withdrawal before she returned it to its place. "Oh well, more for us, hmm?" Aya's companion had latched on to Ranma's other leg, effectively immobilizing the youth. The girl again nodded her agreement. 

"Like old times," she said in Chinese, a twinkle in her eye.

"Jeez, they're beggin' for us!" one in the newly invigorated crowd of "Those who live through Ranma Club" shouted. Whoops and hollers soon reverberated through out the mob.

"What are you people talking about!" Ranma yelled.

Happosai folded his arms across his chest and smiled. If Ranma refused to follow all the tenets of the "Anything Goes School", then he would raise an heir who would. Perhaps, if he had met "Aya" earlier in "her" childhood she could have been his heir, but as things stood she was far to old to catch up to her peers now.

Ranma tried to shake the two strange girls off as they slowly slinked up his form, smiling devilishly. "What's all this protesting, Ranma? Don't you like girls?" Aya looked up at him from her strategic position at his crotch, her friend had moved behind Ranma and placed her arms lazily about his shoulders, both women halted their assaults waiting for his answer.

The crowd of boys quieted as well, which was quite the accomplishment considering the level of excitement that raced through the crowd. Two girls at the same time and in public… even though it wasn't happening to them, at least they were getting ringside seats. Everyone looked at Ranma expectantly, everyone, except Aya. She had grown impatient and was tracing outlines around his groin with her index finger. This did not help Ranma's concentration. Besides Aya was fairly certain of the outcome of this particular scenario. Men were men after all. What other uses did they have?

And peer pressure is a powerful thing. 

"Of… of course, I… I like girls," Ranma stammered out.

Aya chuckled lightly to herself. "Of course you do," she said softly, her finger finding the entrance to his pants.

Ranma jumped back fifty feet as if a snake had just crawled up his leg. Aya stood and glared at her friend. "I thought you were holding him," she hissed in Chinese. "Hello? Are you there?"

Her friend shook her head and stumbled toward Aya, who caught her before she collapsed to the ground. Aya frowned and turned her ghostly blue eyes to where Ranma had retreated. "I thought you said that you liked girls?"

The crowd of boys turned to look at Ranma skeptically as well. 

"Hey! I just met you yesterday!" Ranma shouted in retort. "And I don't even know who that girl is?" He pointed at Aya's semi conscious companion. 

"Isn't that Shinobu Miyake?" One in the crowd asked.

"Shinobu, Shinobi, Shenandoah, who cares. She's a girl. She's got the breasts, the butt, the whole nine yards and she wants to make love to you. What else do you need to know?" Aya spared a moment to look down at Shinobu, before a swear in Chinese escaped her lips. She let the unconscious body fall to the ground without a care.

Ranma hadn't noticed Aya's treatment of her friend as he was too busy defending his professed sexual preference from the hormonal crowd of sex crazed adolescents that were his schoolmates. 

Dazedly, Shinobu picked herself up from the ground. She wobbled unsteadily on her feet and tried to regain her bearings. The last thing that she remembered was walking along with Jariten in her arms. Everyone was together trying to cheer up Lum and convince her not to return home to her planet. What happened after that, Shinobu couldn't recall. She certainly didn't remember how she got to her present surroundings. Not one single face in the crowd of boys looked familiar to her. 

Unable to figure out where she was on her own, Shinobu walked up to one of the male students in the crowd. "Um… Excuse me," she began tapping the teenager on the shoulder to get his attention.

"Heeeey," the boy drawled out. "If Ranma isn't up to playin' with you girls…" He propositioned, placing his arm around Shinobu's shoulder. "I'm more than willing to… OOOWWWW!"

Shinobu wrenched the arm from around her shoulder and twisted if forcing the boy to twist with it or risk it's fracture. "Who do you think you're talking to!"

'Why does Ranma get all the freebies?' The boy tried to stammer out a reply through the pain, but Shinobu would have none of it. His arm still firmly in her grip, Shinobu used her free hand to pick the boy up by his pant's belt and into the air. Men were such scum. She hurled the boy into the crowd, knocking down another fifteen students in the process. To Ranma's glee the attention of the crowd still standing including the blue-eyed Aya turned to the irate Shinobu. 

It was at this moment that a dark shadow loomed over the crowd.

Mi woke up to a dark and unfamiliar room. Her memory of the last day or so was a blur of unfamiliar places and images. Sitting up in her makeshift bed, Mi noted that her burns had been given fresh bandaging and clean clothing had been placed on the crate near the bed. She dressed quickly and took a quick inventory of her surroundings. There were a few wooden crates in the room like the ones used to create her bed and nightstand, and sparse cleaning supplies. Quietly, she walked over to an old broom and broke the handle free from the head. With her crude weapon in hand, she stepped towards the room's door and placed her ear against it.

Outside the door Mi heard what sounded like a large mass of people and the clattering of tableware. 'Have I finally made it?' Mi wondered to herself trying to pull the last moments of her long journey before she collapsed from exhaustion from her tattered memory. She opened the unlocked door just enough to peek out into the surrounding hallway. The moment she did so her famished stomach was assaulted by an assortment of delicious and mouth-watering aromas. Still unsure of her surroundings, Mi remained cautious and stealthily snuck from the room. Almost in a trance, she followed her nose toward the kitchen. She neared a corner, just around which lay the nourishment her body was screaming for. Peeking her head around, she saw a young man in what appeared from behind to be a white robe, washing a large bowl in the sink. The water was running and the conversations of people in the other room were quite loud. 

Deciding that the man was preoccupied with his chore and that noise of the running water and people would mask any sound of her movement, Mi crept from around the corner. She hadn't taken more than three steps before a metal lid from a pot race past the spot her neck had been a moment before and embedded itself into the wall.

"Come to sponge off my Shampoo again, Ranma?" Mousse said, preparing a second strike. "Hey, your not Ranma, your that girl," Mousse recognized adjusting his glasses. 

Mi took advantage of his pause. Using her broom handle as a pole vault, she hurled herself, feet first, at Mousse. Mousse easily blocked Mi's kick with his right forearm, while his left reached into his robes for some rope to subdue his attacker.

Mi, using the block as a springboard, jumped back to the far side of the room. While in midair, she flipped and grabbed what food she could from the table placed in the middle of the room. Upon landing, she had but a second to avoid webbing of ropes thrown at her. She reached for the lid that had been used against her just moments before to block the lead weighted ropes and dashed out the room. A large piece in her mouth, Mi happily rounded the corner. She would charge out the front room and make good her escape. Or at least that had been the plan before a punch to her midsection forced the shrimp from her mouth and knocked the wind out of her. She crumpled to the floor, holding her midriff.

"You need to pay far more attention than that little sister if you plan on living long enough to stand amongst your peers as a full fledged warrior."

Mi looked up with tears in her eyes, but not from pain. She would recognize that voice in the roar of a typhoon. She jumped to her feet and hurled her arms around the older girl. "Elder Sister, thank the spirits. I've found you," Mi said, tears still coming to her eyes as she buried her face into Shampoo's chest. It was a most unamazon-like display, but Mi didn't care anymore.

Shampoo just blinked confusedly at Mi, not knowing quite how to respond. Timidly, she returned the embrace, in an attempt to calm her fellow sister.

Mousse, coming around the corner and seeing Shampoo in an affectionate mood, tried to see if he could receive similar treatment.

Shampoo _knew_ how to deal with Mousse, so did the foot that implanted itself in his groin.

A few hours and a bag of ice later, both the crowds in the restaurant and the swelling around the Mousse crown jewels dwindled to nothing and the four transplanted amazons gathered around a small table.

Cologne took a small sip from her cup of tea, letting the hot liquid sooth her throat before she turned to address their young guest. "Now that you've had a chance to rest and recover some of your strength, why don't you tell us what has happened back at the village and why you had to travel all this way."

Silence

Cologne stared at the comatose looking girl for a moment before she rapped Mi on the head with her cane.

Startled from her silent worshipping of Shampoo, Mi quickly apologized. "Please forgive my inattention, Great Elder. It's just…" Her gaze moved to Shampoo once more. "I've always seen Elder Sister Shampoo as a mentor, but I've never thought I would meet her in person." Mi's expression changed from glee to melancholy. "I wished it could have been under better circumstances."

"Yes, about that," Cologne asked again.

Mi involuntarily shivered. She had traveled all this way for this moment, but now she was hesitant to begin her tale. It wasn't that she could not remember, every detail was burned into her. Unconsciously, she scratched at the bandaging that covered her burned skin and closed her eyes. Just behind them her nightmare took form just as it had every night since she met the strange girl sitting on that well and with a voice just above a whisper she relayed what happened to Cologne and the others…

I had just returned from training by myself in a nearby field. At first, I didn't notice the condition of the village as I was already late and ran straight home. When I arrived there, the house was completely empty. It looked as though my mother and sisters had left in a hurry as dinner was still warm on the table and some of our things were strewn about the floor. I was going to begin searching for them, when I realized how quiet the village seemed… Quiet except for strange laughter coming from the direction of the old well at the center of the village…

When I stepped outside my home to look for my mother and sisters was the first time I really took note of the state of the village. 

"Had the village been attacked?" Mousse asked, interrupting Mi's story.

Mi shook her head and continued.

The village was intact; there were no signs of a struggle anywhere. The buildings and outer wall **were** on fire, but it was unlike any fire I had ever seen. The flames were a brilliant blue in color and although they seemed to completely engulf everything, nothing burned or crumbled to the ground. And the fire made not a sound, no crackling or popping. It simply was.

"Was there anything else, child?" Cologne asked, sipping from her tea. Her expression was blank, not revealing at all whether she believed the tale being told to her.

Mi nodded.

The fire didn't limit itself to things, small pockets of flame floated freely in the air as well. And on the ground… on the ground was a pale green fog that seemed to have a life of it's own, ignoring the direction of the evening breeze. 

I decided to head towards the old well, where the laughing seemed to be coming from. When I got close enough, I could see what at first looked to be two people sitting on the old stone siding, but I was mistaken. The fog parted and I could clearly see a woman about Shampoo's age… maybe a little older giggling to herself. Then I heard her speak…

"Hmmhmmhmm… Looks like we forgot one."

"Was it a sister of the village?"

"At first, I thought so too, but …" then Mi shook her head.

I was glad to finally find a fellow amazon, but the closer I got to the stranger, the more I could tell that she was not one of us. Her hair was a deep black in color and her eyes… her eyes were the exact same color as the bright blue flames that surrounded everything. She wore a tattered red shirt with shortened sleeves…

Mi paused from her story. I noticed others wearing similar style shirts during my journey here. They seemed to be made of lightweight cotton.

"They're called T-shirts. Please continue," Cologne prodded.

Mi hesitated, but finally did continue.

Aya looked up at the black circular object in the air, blinking her blue eyes until they returned to their normal brown, but they quickly reverted to an ethereal blue. She hoped it had nothing to do with her, but she knew how her luck usually went. Not taking her eyes off the unidentified flying object, Aya backed into the crowd, disappearing in its mass.

"What the heck is that?" Akane exclaimed, running back on to the field. She had overcome her embarrassment and returned to Ranma's side when she saw the shadow pass over the school building. Akane did a quick look around. The girl with the shoulder length brown hair that had arrived earlier and had been helping Aya in her attempt to seduce Ranma was standing just outside the crowd. Her arms were crossed against her chest and she looked very angry. Akane smiled, Ranma had no doubt given her the brush off. Her smiled widen when she failed to spot Aya, who was definitely proving herself to be related to Happosai.

It was at this time that Lum and her entourage arrived on scene. The Furinkan students were too absorbed with the unidentified flying object in the air to stare at the alien oni teen. Noticing Shinobu standing apart from the crowd, Lum went over to ask her about the girl in the Saint Hebreke outfit Shinobu had run off with. Cherry, however, spotted a man similar in stature to himself standing at some distance from the crowd and watching the scene. It was a man with whom Cherry very much wanted to continue an old conversation.

"Oh. Hi, Lum," Shinobu greeted, glad to see faces she recognized.

"Shinobu, are you alright?" Lum asked. "You fainted and then began to act rather strangely. 

"Yes," Mendou said reaching the pair. "Who was that girl that accosted Miss Lum? You two seemed to know each other well."

Shinobu looked at them, "What are you two talking about? The last thing I remember was walking with everyone on the way to school. The next thing I know I am standing here."

"You mean you don't remember speaking Chinese and running off with some girl named Aya Tendou?" Mendou asked, taking hold of Shinobu's hand.

"I… I… don't," she began before she noticed the large shadow. 'Oh no, more freaks…' she thought at what could only be another alien UFO.

"What are THEY doing here?" Lum exclaimed as the form of the alien ship became more visible. If these were the people responsible for her Darling's disappearance, the Oni would wipe out their whole sick race.

"Who?" Mendou questioned.

His question was answered when a beam of bright white light burst forth from the bottom of the ship. When the light subdued, two very large, very muscular and very bald men were standing in its place, wearing a pair of signs, and only a pair of signs.

The crowd of mostly male Furinkin students looked at the two specimens of alien masculinity and began to feel slightly inadequate. They felt down right emasculated when the two men raised the previously strategically placed signs over their heads for the crowd to see them better.

Both Shinobu and Akane blushed furiously at the sight of the offending male members. In unison, they ran up to the two alien men. "PERVERTS!" They screamed and attempted to punt the aliens back to whatever planet they had come from. The two aliens, however merely twisted their bodies so that Shinobu's and Akane's strikes impacted against the broadside of their rock like thighs. The two girls hopped back to their respective groups of friends, nursing their sore foots.

"Do you… know these people, Lum? Please say no," Mendou begged. He didn't like what he was seeing at all. 

Lum just glared at them, or more particularly, the signs they were carrying which had written on them the simple words, "ATARU MOROBOSHI".

"ME! ME! THAT'S ME! I'M ATARU MOROBOSHI!" a voice shouted from the middle of the crowd of male students. 

Lum's attention and that of the two buff alien men shot to the direction of the voice. All they could see was a pair of arms waving in the midst of the crowd.

"Excuse me, my ride is here," the owner of the arms boomed and forced their way through the students. When Aya emerged, with a huge leer on her face, her eyes locked on male meaty bones and a river of saliva running from her mouth, reactions varied.

The aliens looked at each other confused. They were certain the Ataru Moroboshi they were looking for was male. They continued to hold the signs over their heads, and rotated them every now and then so that everyone could read them.

Akane and Ranma merely shook their head in mutual disgust. Definitely related to Happosai.

The Tomobiki crew wore a mixture of emotions. 

Lum's expression was unreadable. 

Aya walked up confidently to the pair of aliens with not the slightest hint of fear or apprehension. "Hi," she waved enthusiastically. "My name is… uh… Ataru Moroboshi. Yup, that's me! Just what the sign says. Uh… Hello?"

The two aliens continued to ignore her, while the Furinkin students of the crowd watched as if at a play.  The Tomobiki students approached the strange girl who had crashed into Lum earlier and was now claiming to be the person they've been looking for over the past six months.

"You're not Moroboshi," Mendou stated as a matter of fact.

"And how do you know?" Aya said crossing her arms and staring at Mendou.

"Well, for one thing. Ataru Moroboshi is a man. Not very much a man, but a man none the less."

"I can do the 'man thing'," Aya declared and turned her attention back to the specimens of alien beefcake. She waved her hands in front of their faces and still received not the slightest acknowledgement. Perplexed, she placed her hands on her hips, until she realized she was dealing with a different culture.

'The man thing?' Mendou wondered exactly what the 'man thing' was, but what he saw her do next completely erased that thought from his mind. Who **is** this girl??

"Hello… Hello… testing… one… two… three…"

The males just watched her completely and utterly stunned. The few women present once again found themselves blushing and quickly turning away. 

"What are you doing!" Lum demanded, not looking at the rather obscene scene.

"Conversing…" ***TAP***** *TAP*  **"Hello? Ataru Moroboshi here."

"Well, I don't think that's his ear," Shinobu pointed out to the kneeling girl.

Aya turned her attention away from the male member in her hand. "How do you know? Who knows how their strange alien physiology works?" She again put the 'microphone' just in front of her lips. "Hello? Hello?" She held it firmly in her left hand and tapped the head repeatedly with the palm of her right. "Is this thing on?"

It was definitely 'on' as the alien began to buck and gyrate with Aya's actions. The other alien, feeling neglected, walked over and stood in front of Aya, waiting his turn.

'Even alien males are predictable,' Aya thought with a smirk.

"Enough!" A female voice boomed from overhead. "Step forward, Ataru Moroboshi."

"Here… Here I am!" Aya shouted, jumping up and down. She was a little disappointed when she had heard the woman's voice, but she was still hopeful. If these two naked men were any example of what was in store… 

Her smile grew increasingly lewd. 'Sexual experimentation… anal probes… oh boy!'

Again the dark shadow of a ship produced a shower of light. This time a beautiful woman wearing a sheer white shawl clasped with a platinum string and a long billowing skirt made from the same material. The outfit left nothing to the imagination, as at a close distance it was quite see through. 

The crowd of male students collapsed around the newcomer, leaving her and her two male escorts, Aya, Lum, Shinobu, Mendou, and Akane at the center. Both Aya and Lum scowled at the alien queen, but for different reasons. 

Lum had a pretty good guess why they were here. It no doubt had to deal with the stupid laws of their 'combine' or 'communion' or whatever it was they called it. It all boiled down to one thing though. Their race was arguably the most lewd, sex-obsessed people in the galaxy. They prided themselves on their prowess and appetite, which they believed second to none (there was one other race that competed for that title in other planets' opinion, but that particular race didn't want that fact publicized). It was this pride that was embedded throughout the laws and rituals of the planet. It was even how the queen kept her throne.

Aya on the other hand hated all beautiful women out of principle. Or rather… women she felt prettier than herself. They always… always wasted the gifts they were endowed with. They never could understand a woman such as herself and the struggle and work Aya and women like her went through to gain the things handed to beautiful women. After a moment though, Aya's dark expression lightened to its usual brightness. Usually women given such beauty relied upon it to the point that it shrunk their brains. Aya was confident that she could handle the alien woman the same way she did everyone else. 

"Are you the one who claims the name Ataru Moroboshi?"  The woman asked with a voice that perfectly matched her aura of sexuality.

With her hands placed behind her back, Aya nodded enthusiastically. 

"Ataru Moroboshi is a man and you look nothing like him," the queen stated as a matter of fact. 

Lum's demeanor darkened further. "And how do you know what he looks like?"

The queen turned and noticed Lum for the first time. "An oni? Here for the sport?"

Lum's cheeks flushed, but the rest of her face was still marred by anger. "Answer my question!" Electricity began to arc up and down her form. 

"Hmph…" She snapped her fingers and the two men dropped the signs they were carrying. They both took a knee, one directly across from the other and interlocked arms. The alien queen gracefully walked over and took seat on her impromptu throne. 

Aya nodded her approval. She leaned over and whispered into Lum's ear. "Now that's the way to live."

"I'd rather have my Darling," Lum replied in an even voice, then stalked over to stand in front of the queen.  She missed Aya going completely rigid at her words. "So…" Lum began again to the queen.

The queen looked into Lum's eyes and knew that the oni's patience was wearing thin. She eyed the growing crowd of natives as if looking for one face in particular. Not seeing it, she sighed. "I **need**to find Ataru Moroboshi. My future as Queen depends upon it!" Her head drooped down into her hands.

Her tone was so down trodden that she immediately had the sympathies of a majority of the men present, even Ranma looked at her with sympathy. 

Mendou was instantly at her side. He gently raised her head with the tip of his finger. "What has that scoundrel Moroboshi done, Miss?"

"Who's Moroboshi?" Ranma asked Akane. She shrugged in answer.

"Do you think she really is an alien? She looks human enough." Akane whispered back. Ranma too answered with a shrug.

"My name is Vestal. What he has done is threaten my birthright." 

"How so?" Shinobu asked. "Have you seen him lately?" Shinobu spared a glance toward Lum, who stood just off to the side looking like she was about to kill someone.

"It is the law of the great Communion on my planet that the most…" She paused searching for the right word. "…Voracious and insatiable person in the universe shall sit on the throne. For the last fifteen generations my family has occupied that exalted position."

Lum sighed, fully knowing where this conversation was headed. She was almost glad her Darling wasn't here. He would have been ecstatic at what was about to be said. 

Queen Vestal continued. "A recent scan of the Universal Database has indicated that may no longer be true." She signaled toward her hovering spacecraft and a screen was projected in the air above the crowd. 

"What's the Universal Database?"  Mendou asked Jariten, who floated nearby.

"You're really stupid if you don't know what that is," Ten contemptuously answered back. "It's a database that contains information on a majority of life forms in the know universe."

Mendou looked back at Ten in shock. "That's impossible."

"Maybe on this planet."

After a moment, five faces appeared on the hovering screen. The crowded gasped, as two earthlings were clearly identifiable. At the top was a picture of a smiling Aya. Second was Queen Vestal. The third picture was of some kind of tentacled thing. The fourth was the biggest surprise.

'Darling's not there…" Lum thought puzzled. She didn't know whether to feel elated or worried at that fact.

Queen Vestal too looked at the list with a measure of surprise. She then turned to Aya and then back to the view screen and the caption beneath the image. '…Identity pending.' 

"Um…" Ranma, pointing up at the picture of the fourth person, interjected himself into the conversation. "What is this a list of again?"

 The queen rose from her throne and stood before Aya, appraising the young woman with her eyes. "It is a listing of the most lecherous beings in the universe."

"WHAT!" everyone in the crowd except those from space and Tomobiki shouted out and swirled around to gape at Akane in shock.

"No wonder you got all the guys sniffing around you, Akane." Aya winked in approval.

Her face completely red with embarrassment and anger, Akane yelled her denials. "That's impossible!"

Ranma looked at her sidelong. "And you're always calling me a pervert." She booted him from the field and onto the school's roof.

Queen Vestal's gaze never left Aya. "There is no mistake. The database is updated and verified constantly." Her eyes narrowed. "So, you are Ataru Moroboshi," Vestal directed at Aya.

Aya read the caption beneath her picture. "Don't be stupid. Isn't this Moroboshi supposed to be a guy?" Aya lifted the front of her school uniform. "Do I look like a guy? I am Identity Pending!"

There was a collective slapping of heads. "That's not a name!" Vestal exclaimed. Aya blinked confusedly back at her. "It doesn't matter who you are! I will not lose my throne to you… I challenge you to the Quaking!" Vestal declared.

"Me? You mean I get to be queen!?" Aya asked with excitement. 

"Not unless you answer my challenge, as is my right as the current sovereign!"

Aya jumped up and down. "Bring it on! Bring it on!"

Lum, who had been silently stewing up to this point, directed her glare to Aya. "Wait until you hear what the challenge is…"

Aya blinked at Lum then turned to Vestal. "Uh… what is the challenge?" 

Vestal stepped up to her. "It is not for the uninvolved to hear." She then whispered the rules of the Quaking into Aya's ear. 

At hearing what exactly the challenge was about, Aya quirked an eyebrow. "Whoa… Me… you… I don't do those kinds of things. Really, I don't. Women just don't do it for me, no matter what you may have heard otherwise."

Vestal stepped even closer to Aya. "You have no choice," she declared in low husky voice.

Aya took an awkward step back and fell to the ground; Vestal instantly pounced on her. With one arm trying to fend Vestal off, Aya used the other to scurry away. "Wait! Wait! I've got a more interesting challenge."

Vestal paused. "What is this challenge?"

Aya, whose expression had been one of fear just a moment ago turned markedly more devious. "Let's go on a little hunt."

"And?" Shampoo asked. She was beginning to tire of this children's tale and was impatient to learn what happened to her fellow amazons.

In addition to the T-shirt, she was also wearing a pair of pants that I'm certain belonged to a friend of mine, because at her feet was a pile of clothing she must have taken from the village. I even recognized some of my own. 

"Where is everyone?" Mi asked the strange woman.

"Where is who?" the woman returned, just barely managing to contain her laughter.

"My mother and sisters…were is everyone?"

"How should I know?" the woman answered brusquely, her demeanor changing from that of amusement to checked anger. Her attention moved to the clothing at her feet and she began to pick through them for items that peaked her interest.

I was at a lost momentarily. I looked pointedly at the stranger and noticed that the pale fog was beginning to gather around the woman once again. When the woman held up a shirt belonging to my mother, I decided that this person was indeed responsible for what was going on, or at the least, knew what had happened. I took a defensive stance. I had practiced it all day and hoped that I could execute the kick as precisely as I had against that old tree.

Mi grabbed the fear she was feeling and crushed it into a little ball. She was an amazon warrior and her village was under attack. There was no room for fear. Confidently, she took a provocative step forward.

The woman noticed the change in Mi and sighed aloud. She stood and crossed her arms against her chest. The fog parted between the two and even the blue flames in the background seemed to pause to see what Mi would do next.

I quickly dashed forward and before she could react, attacked her. I connected, hitting her squarely on the side of her neck. The blow spun the woman around and head first into the side of the stone well. She impacted against it so hard that the wall crumbled.

"This doesn't sound like much of a monster. Is she the one who attacked the village or isn't she?" Shampoo asked.

Cologne nodded, seemingly in agreement. She wondered if Mi was leaving some details out.

"I…" Mi began, but was cutoff when a certain pigtailed boy came bursting through the doors of the café.

Next Chapter Preview:

"Yes, I would like an order of the crème of sum yung guy," Aya said looking at the menu and pointing to an item. Her gaze turned to that of Mousse clearing the dishes from a nearby table. "Better make that two."

Shampoo laughed, writing down the order of ramen Aya had pointed at. She also noticed Ranma-chan watching them intently. Shampoo wasn't exactly sure why Ranma was hiding from this girl in their restaurant, but if avoiding this girl kept Ranma with Shampoo and away from Akane, she was certain she could win the pigtailed boy's affections after a time. "Anything else you like?"

Aya laughed, she liked a lot of things. Before she could say something even more lewd, the sound of dishes crashing to the floor erupted from the rear of the café.  Aya turned just in time to avoid the butcher knife. It flew past her head and into the crowded after school rush of the cat café. 

Putting on Heirs part 5:

Three of a Kind


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